Assalamu Alaikum Mufti Saheb, please help me. Am very troubled and need your urgent attention and guidance. Last year in April 2005, during argument with my wife I said to her "Am divorcing you; and I have given you talaaq." I went out of the house and later phoned her. She said to come home. I said: "Am not coming home. Its over, its finished (meaning our marriage) and that I mean all three talaaqs (I only said talaaq once and did not have intention for it to be three)." I then put the phone down. Anyhow, we referred our matter to a local Mufti who then referred us to another Mufti. When this Mufti asked me what I said on the phone, I could not be honest with myself and changed my words. He classed my statements at home as two talaaqs. My wife and I have got back together but due to my dishonesty; I now need to know if the conversation on the phone would class it as three. Unfortunately, I am so troubled by this that I am avoiding being intimate with my wife and have caused some injury to myself. I don’t want to live in sin and would like your advice and guidance on what action to take if it has come to an end. I do not wish to refer my case to the first Mufti as his advice has been inadequate (sorry to say and no disrespect intended). I cannot inform my wife at all about this as, though she is religious, she will not understand what is troubling me and because of this I cannot do anything right at all. Mufti Saheb, I await your reply and I would like to know that if my marriage has come to an end, what can be done to rectify it? I cannot live without my wife and children, but Islamically it is over then I shall endeavour to seek the pleasure of Allah. Jazakallah PS My wife and I have had some issues which was put to rest last year. Am not being nice to my wife simply because if it is over, then she will be happy to separate as oppose to knowing the truth.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

We do not know what you mean by "three divorces", if you refer to the words of divorce which you mentioned when you were arguing with your wife, then the matter needs to be detailed. Your statement, ''I am going to divorce you,'' is a promise of divorce and it is not considered a divorce, but your second statement, ''I have given you a divorce,” is a divorce. As regards your statements after that, "It is over", "It is finished" then these two expressions are among the metaphors of divorce and are not considered as divorce unless you intended it to be so. So, if you intended one divorce by saying so, then your wife is divorced twice and the divorce is still revocable. However, if by saying, "It is over", "It is finished", you wanted to initiate three divorces, then the divorce is irrevocable.

Some jurists stated that whoever says to his wife, "There is no marriage between me and you," and intended divorce by saying so, then divorce has taken place.

The Indian Encyclopaedia [Hanafi school of jurisprudence] reads, "If the husband says to his wife, ‘There is no marriage between me and you’, or says, ‘We are no longer married,’ and intended divorce, then divorce has taken place." According to the Maaliki school of jurisprudence, such a statement is considered as three divorces if one had already consummated the marriage with his wife. The husband saying to his wife, "It is over" is like saying to her, "There is no marriage between me and you."

Based on the above grounds, you are obliged to separate from this woman, and it is not permissible for you to remarry her until she marries another man who consummates the marriage with her and then divorces her or dies.

If you had any children with her [after you mentioned the above expressions of divorce to her] then they will be traced back to you according to the view of the majority of the scholars . However, some of them are of the view that the wife does not become forbidden to her husband if he divorced her three times with the same statement and in the same session; this is the view of Ibn Taymiyyah .

Finally, you are obliged to repent for changing your statements with the Mufti so that he would declare that your wife is not forbidden to you, as you were obliged to tell him the truth.

Allaah Knows best.