Assalamu alaikum, I'm a 21 year old male. I obsess over marriage. It is on my mind all the time. It has been on my mind for years. I cannot get it out of my head. Those brothers that don't worry about it too much, I don't know how they do it. I think the problem stems from years of being isolated. My family is with a Muslim group that is not on the Sunnah and is away from the community. For years I wasted my time there, and I had no idea what was going on in the community. The only families my parents know are ones with little kids or with girls that I would never even consider. My obsession with marriage has caused me great hardship. It has taken me to many sins. I used to look at pornography and masturbate a lot, I still do it on occasion. And Allah has blessed me. I have gone to Hajj and I have even proposed to a great girl. I got my parents to allow me to do this and we went to their family. But this marriage will not happen for at least a year, if it is to happen at all. If I do not marry her, I am back to square one. I’m back to my isolated state. I have obsessed over marriage so much that I proposed to her even though I know for the next few years I will not be financially ready. I just know that I can’t stay like this. I hate being this way. I am very rude to my parents because of this. I commit many sins because of this. I just don’t know what to do. I fell this is my only path, and if this does not work out, I don’t know what to do. I fell like I am very unthankful to Allah, even though he has given me so much. What should I do? Jazakallah khair. Wassalamu alaikum.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Marriage is an instinctive matter and having the charge to marry is very natural. We entrust you to try your best to calm yourself and dispel your worries. This would certainly help you think better and find the ways to overpass all obstacles.

Know that being kind with your parents, in all circumstances, is obligatory upon you. You are not allowed to mistreat them even if they fail to carry out their duties towards you, how would the case when they do not neglect their duties?

Moreover, being kind to them is a form of worship that could be a reason for you to achieve what you hope for. So, you have to do your best to be gentle with them.

Know that the less the expenditure of a marriage is, the more blessed it is. Therefore, try your best to convince your parents and the parents of the girl as well, to facilitate the matters of your marriage and to complete it with the minimum expenses possible. If it happens then praise Allaah, otherwise, you have to fear Allaah, be patient, avoid sins and follow the means that help you maintaining your chastity such as observing fast, increasing good deeds, attending Islamic gatherings and companying pious people who remind you whenever you forget and support you whenever you remember Allaah. Moreover, you must avoid being with bad people.

Finally, we inform you that according to the majority of Muslim scholars a father is not obliged to financially support the marriage of his son. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 87856, 82737 and 81150.

Allaah Knows best.