How to prepare your child to receive your newborn?
The coming of a new baby brings much happiness to the family and at the same time is accompanied by some changes that may lead to problems. Therefore, the family should prepare itself for receiving the awaited child with lasting happiness. The most important person that should be prepared is the one who has a great deal of our interest and care: the youngest member of the family and the most beloved one as long as he is the youngest. A righteous man was once asked, “Who is the most beloved of your children?” He replied, “The young one until he grows up, the sick until he is cured and the traveler until he returns.” When the new child is born, the situation will change because the new baby will take the place of the most loved one. All eyes would be directed to the new baby and he would get, whether intentionally or not, the greatest amount of care. The older child would feel that he has lost his status and this may lead to dire consequences, because the elder child may try to take his revenge on his rival. The family may encounter some psychological, behavioral and physical problems that the elder child may suffer from.
What should parents do?
There are many steps that the family should follow in order to avoid any psychological problems that the elder child might suffer:
1. During pregnancy, explain to the child that a new baby will come who will be his beloved brother or sister. Do not underestimate the child’s mentality no matter how young he is, because children can understand and perceive what is going on around them.
2. When the child notices that his mother’s stomach is getting bigger, tell him that this is his brother or sister and that he too used to be inside the same place. Allow him to hug his mother’s belly as if he is hugging his brother (or sister), kissing him and telling him, “You are my beloved brother!” This will start a loving relationship.
3. Arrange a separate place for the elder child to sleep before the delivery of the new child. This is because if the child is used to sleeping in his mother’s arms, he would be shocked to find someone taking his place after the delivery. If this happens, you would be sowing the seeds of hatred between them.
4. When the mother goes to the hospital to deliver the baby, tell the child that she will return with the new baby that he was waiting for.
5. Buy the child new and attractive toys and give them to him when his new brother comes as he will feel happy with these toys that were brought to him with the coming of his brother. Also, he will be busy with these toys and will not notice the attention that is given to new baby, because he will be angry if he notices. We should avoid telling lies by saying that the new born baby is the one who brought these toys. The existence of these toys would be enough.
6. Ask any other child to play with him and the mother should, from time to time, carry him in her arms, talk to him and make him happy so that he would not feel that she does not care for him anymore. In fact, some husbands feel jealous because of their wives’ care for their child and neglect them, so how would the case be for a young child?
7. When the child sees his brother being breastfed, you should tell him that the baby is eating in this way and that he used to be breastfed himself but now has grown up and can eat like grownups do. You should enhance his self-esteem and make him feel special.
8. A child should be allowed to touch his brother, under adult supervision. He can touch his brother’s head and hand, and he can kiss him because this makes them closer.
9. The mother should let the child help her while changing the baby's clothes.
10. Let the child feel that his brother loves him by telling him, when his brother smiles, “He is smiling at you because he loves you.” The elder brother would then know that his brother loves him.
11. When you talk to the newborn baby and play with him, do the same with the elder one. Bear in mind that the elder child is still young and do not consider him to be a grown up as soon as the new baby comes.
12. Avoid drawing any comparisons between them either if it was done by the parents, relatives, or neighbors. Draw their attention to the fact that they must not do anything that would make your elder child angry or cause him to feel inferior. No one should say that either of them is better than the other. We should deal with each of them separately.
13. Bring up your child to be self-confident and to love, respect and cooperate with others.
In sum, we should treat all our children equally like the Prophet, 
, taught us to do.
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