I have been married for 25 years and my husband in 2006 married awoman in a Mysar marriage he is calling it in Saudi Arabia. I had asked him before when I returned from putting our children in college int he states why he has changed sexually toward me. He said he was sick. For over a year nothing changed. I had suspisions about my hub and kept praying to allah to show me the true. I found in the car a paper about my hub and his new daughter. I found out in Oct. 2008. He has been lying to me and still continues to lie to me when ever he goes to see them. He tells me that she tricked him when she got pregnant and he was so mad and upset that is why he was unable to act like my hub. He says that he doesnt want her but is not divorcing her because she said if u divorce me u will not c your daughter. I am so confused, I want to be a good muslim, I dont want this to effect my Islam and I want my old hub back. I want to believe him but after 2 years of lies it is difficult. He feels guilty and is confused himself. He says that she is like a sister to him and he is going to speak to a sheik about not being in a hub way towards her. I dont understand how this kind of marriage is permissible. May allah for give me but it seems like they are making prostitution legal by allowing this kind of marrriage. You go and visit when you want, you dont pay her any money, you dont even rent her a house. Please explain this to me. I am an american convert muslim and all I think about is he had an affair, and got caught. I am so confused and lost. I just want to please Allah. What is the best thing to do in this situation? May allah guide us all to what pleases him.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we thank and praise Allaah Who guided you to Islam and we ask Him to make you firm and steadfast on His Religion until the Day you meet Him.

We advise you to seek beneficial knowledge, perform good deeds and befriend righteous and pious women, as these are the best things that help a Muslim woman remain steadfast on her religion.

May Allaah reward you for being keen on pleasing Him and for asking about the religious matters that concerns you.

As regards the Misyaar marriage, then it is a marriage that fulfils the conditions of a correct marriage, like the consent of the guardian and the presence of two witnesses while the wife renounces some of her rights, like her husband staying overnight with her and spending on her, and the like. Nonetheless, the fact that the wife renounces some of her rights does not affect the validity of the marriage; for more benefit on the ruling of Misyaar marriage, please refer to Fatwa 82104.

On the other hand, your husband should not have lied to you, but since what happened had already taken place that your husband married a second wife, then he did not do except what Allaah permitted him to do –meaning that Allaah permitted a man to marry more than one wife. For more benefit on the wisdom of polygamy, please refer to Fataawa 90132, 86818 and 84184. Therefore, we advise you not to be preoccupied about this marriage, but you have the right to ask your husband about your rights on him, among which is having sexual intercourse with you; a husband is obliged to keep his wife chaste and having sexual intercourse with her is her right.

If a husband is not able to fulfill this right, then his wife has the right to ask him to divorce her because of the harm on her because of him not having sexual intercourse with her, or she may be patient with him hoping that Allaah will rectify their affairs. It might be that her staying with her husband while he is negligent about this right is better than separating from him especially if she is blessed with children with him because divorce may lead to the disunity of the family.

The following matters should be mentioned:

1-     It is not permissible for a wife to ask her husband to divorce his second wife.

2-     The parent who has the right in fostering the children, has no right to prevent the other parent from seeing his/her children.

3-     Having sexual intercourse is a right of the wife as we have already mentioned, so the husband has no right to prevent his wife from this right without her consent, and no one can give the permission to the husband about this.

4-     It is not correct to link the problems that happened between you and your husband to the matter of your religion and your righteousness, rather, you should be concerned about learning the matters of your religion and you should seek to purify yourself in any case. This can be done by striving against one’s own self and by seeking the help of Allaah.

Allaah Knows best.