I went to visit my dady and my dady already make a arrangement of marrying one of my cousin who is good brother and religious brother too, but as for me I love other brother, my family thinks that the one I love is not good husband for me and they believe that my cousin is good husband for me since he has good knowledge for the deen and he is older than the one I love. I try to refuse the marriage but my family gets mad at point where they didn’t want me to be part of the family. I need help what should I do? I don’t want to do anything that Allah swt forbidden me to do, please help me the best way to choose who to marry and in the religion way too. Jazakallah khair.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The Sharee’ah advised the woman to choose a person who is religious and has a good moral conduct as a husband. The Prophet said: “If a man whose religion and moral conduct are pleasing to you proposes to you, then let him marry.” [At-Tirmithi] This is because if a religious person loves his wife, he will honor her and if he hates her, he will not mistreat her.

Dear sister, since your cousin is a religious person and you admit that he is so, and your father wants you to marry him, and no doubt it is very good to be kind and dutiful to one’s parents, and, in addition to this, he is your relative, so all these are reasons for accepting him as a husband.

As regards love, even though it is important in marital life, however, the spouses may live happily and their life will be stable without it. It is for this reason that it was reported that ‘Umar said: “Homes are not only built on love.” In addition to this, love may happen after it did not exist. Moreover, if you accept to marry him, then you are avoiding some problems to your family in case you do not marry him; and this is another advantage.

On the other hand, you do not know whether or not this young man whom you love would accept to marry you, and if he marries you, how do you know that you will lead a happy life with him?

Indeed, many marriages took place on the basis of love and they failed. You should remember the saying of Allaah (which means): {… and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.}[Quran 2:216]

Despite all what we mentioned above, the Sharee’ah does not force a woman to marry someone whom she does not like. If two competent and suitable persons propose to her, then the suitable man whom she chooses comes in priority over the one chosen by her guardian. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90704.

Of course, we mentioned the above arguments as an advice and admonition and we did not mean that it is an obligation on the woman to accept the person that her guardian chooses for her.

Finally, the two following matters should be mentioned:

1-     It is not permissible for the parents to disown their daughter even if she does not marry the person whom they want her to marry.

2-     It is not permissible for a girl to establish an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram man, as we clarified in Fatwa 84544, in which we clarified the treatment for love sickness.

Allaah Knows best.