Salaam u Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh. I recently became interested in mashaAllah a very pious muslimah and requested her parents' permission to speak with her regarding marriage. Alhamdulillah we have found each other to be very very well matched and things are getting close to being finalized. In the process of getting to know her, we both lost a bit of control and it got to the point where we would speak every day, and we became very attached. When we realized that we were overstepping Allah's bounds, Alhamdulillah, she reminded me of our mistake and we have spoken only in absolute necessity (maybe a couple times) for the last 2 months and have repented for whatever overstepping of bounds we have taken. Regardless, these two months have been difficult. I realize that this is the kind of girl that would constantly remind me of Allah when we spoke, and would be strong enough to remind me of Allah when I am headed astray. Perhaps paradoxically, it is the very fact that we have not talked that confirms in my mind that this is the right direction to take. My great hurdle now is that while her family is amicable to the idea of engagement, because she is still young and will be beginning college in the fall (I am graduating now) they are not open to Nikah. Despite attempts to explain the possibility of Nikah without living together, the family is (understandably) worried about the social stigma, and perhaps (Allahu a3lam) with the commitment involved therewith. They are not averse to the two of us talking in the interim (however many years, likely 4) til the Nikaah...I on the other hand am not, as this would violate shari3a as I understand it. I find myself in a difficult place: I am exceedingly unwilling to simply back away from this as she is a great fit, and I cannot see how i can abstain from talking to her for 4 years. what do you advise?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Indeed, you did well by stopping your mistake of talking with that girl, as she is a non-Mahram girl to you until you conduct the marriage contract with her as we clarified in Fatwa 86143. Therefore, you should make this a sincere repentance and avoid doing this again with her, as it is a means of temptation. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 87903.

The Prophet said: “The best solution for those who love each other is to marry." [Ibn Maajah] Hence, we advise you to try to convince the family of this girl especially her father to finalize the marriage contract and you may seek the help of some rational and righteous people in this regard. If her family is convinced, then praise be to Allaah, and if they insist on delaying the marriage, then you have two choices:

1-     To be patient and keep yourself chaste and stay away from her until you marry her.

2-     To invalidate the engagement with her and look for another girl to marry, as there are so many women. The problem of being too attached to her and loving her is easy to solve, Allaah willing, and we clarified this in Fatwa 84544. 

Allaah Knows best.