I have been married for 23 years. Many a times I caught my husband having relations with other women. Every time he would say sorry and I forgave him. The first time I caught him he swore upon the Quran not to do so again. But he could not keep his promise. Last time when my son came to know about this he was very upset and warned his father to stop with this or he should not be staying with us anymore. My husband said sorry to him as well and promised not to do so again. But as always he broke his promise once again and moved to his house in the village. I told him I’m giving you one last chance for the sake of my kids and if you did not change I’ll leave you. To my surprise he said I have not neglected your responsibility ever and I do want some personal life for myself. In addition he said why you bother if I have some fun for me. What you are doing is haram and God will not like you for this, I told him. He said its between me and my God you stay out of it. From his conversation I found out (not 100% sure) he having physical relations as well. I could not stand it anymore as he was now no more ashamed or sorry. I still asked him for the last time before leaving the house you are doing sin and this will break our home. I left to avoid sin of not being obliged wife to a sinful husband. May Allah forgive me for that. Now it’s been 7 month that I am living with my son, working and supporting the family. I’m a true follower of God and prayed to God to guide my husband and to make him repent and seek Allah’s forgiveness. I have forgiven him in my heart in the name of Allah. My question is that under present situation where I do not want to go back to him (until he asks for Allah’s forgiveness and to swear on Quran not to even ever think about any relations with other women) is my living separate from him as a wife allowed in Islam or I must seek a divorce which I would not like. Please advise in the light of Quran and Sunah. God bless you.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Indeed, you did well by supplicating Allaah to guide your husband and enable him to repent and you are right in clarifying to him that what he is doing is wrong. However, he was wrong by telling you that this matter is between him and his Lord and that you have nothing to do with it. Rather, a Muslim is religiously obliged to enjoin good and forbid evil. Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri narrated: “I heard the Prophet saying: ''Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he should change it with his hand (i.e. physically), if he is unable, then he should change it with his tongue (i.e. verbally) and if he is unable, then he should change it with his heart (i.e. by hating it in his heart) and that is the weakest level of faith." [Muslim]

If it is confirmed that he establishes illicit relationships with other women, then there is no doubt that he is committing a great evil. However, it is not permissible for you to accuse him of Zina (adultery) with them unless this is confirmed with absolute evidence so that you would not be accusing him of Zina falsely. Indeed, there is a severe threat about accusing someone of Zina; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85285.

As regards you going out of the home without his permission because of him committing sins, then this is not permissible. Also, him committing sins is not a sound reason for you not to obey him within what is permissible. Therefore, you must go back to your marital home; for more benefit on a wife going out of the home without her husband’s permission without a necessity, please refer to Fatwa 91788.

Furthermore, you are not obligated to ask him for divorce, but it is desirable for you to do so as long as he insists on doing what is forbidden because it is desirable for a wife to ask for divorce from a dissolute husband who does not observe the rights of Allaah. Also, if you wish to be patient and continue to stay with him and advise him hoping that Allaah will guide him, then you may do so.

Allaah Knows best.