Asalaam alaikum my question is in regards with my wife is it haram for me to stay with my wife until I can find a better wife? the reason why I ask is for awile we have been seprated, due to us not gettin along mostly because she isnt really keen on the deen an me not showin an me not showin interst in her, of course she is a new convert but she lacks th enthusim, for i also strtd practisin the deen around th same time she converted wich was 2yrs ago, also we hav a kid together whom was born before we married an before she converted an before i became keen to th deen, may Allah forgive me, so now im alone have no friends since thy either kaffirs or not practising muslims, an iv become aware of my mistakes in our mirrage for i used to be at th mosque all th time an leve my wife at home an used to get angry becus she didnt giv up music, stuydin th deen, wearing hijab but i understand that i hav to hav a differnt aproach since she is a new convert, but now she basickly doesnt have th desire to be with me even though i am more affacionate towards her, also she an her son are th only muslims in her family but she is now back livin wit her family where ther is no muslim community,an her kaffir sister is her best friend an she put her family all before me, and i dont kno if i shuld jus leave her or stay, also i dont kno if she indeed is a muslim since i hav told her many times that as a muslim we shuld belive everythg Allah an th messenger say, but she knows she should obey but she says that she just cant an dosent make an attempt to try, for example she says i kno Allah wants women to wear hijab an "i dont have a problem with others doin so but i cant"l m, an i tell her you shouldnt love your kaffir family th way u do "but she says i will always love them, 1. Dont kno if her son dont keep th deen will i be responsible? 2. Im scared i may not find another wife for th fact due to medical conditions i am now not as attractive 3. Iv know her since i was 18 an now im 25

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Your question included many points, among which are the following:

1- With regard to your question: “Is it Haraam (unlawful) for me to stay with my wife until I can find a better wife?”; the answer is that since she is considered a Muslim, then this is not unlawful for you as long as you have not divorced her and she has become irrevocably divorced from you. Besides, it is not permissible for you to desert her in a way that she is harmed. Therefore, you should not leave her stranded; if you do not keep her in kindness, then you should divorce her in kindness.

On the other hand, if she is disobedient, it is permissible for you to discipline her in an Islamic manner as clarified in Fatwa 85402.

Moreover, the scholars determined the period of deserting of one’s wife due to her disobedience as one month, and this should be deserting her in bed only [i.e. refusing to have sexual intercourse with her].

2- With regard to your question: “Do I have to keep her or divorce her?” the answer to this question is that this depends on the benefit. If you expect that she would become righteous or that you fear harm on her by her apostatizing from her religion, then, in this case, it would be better to keep her and be patient with her and endeavor to reform her. Otherwise, separating from her is better. Indeed, you may find another wife who would accept to marry you despite your health condition and the fact that you do not look attractive as you mentioned.

As regards that child, he/she is not attributed to you as he/she is born out of wedlock; rather, he/she should be attributed to his/her mother and it is the mother who is responsible for that child. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85430.

3- With regard to your question: “Is she really a Muslim or not?” the answer is that if she embraced Islam, she is considered a Muslim unless she commits something that necessitates her apostatizing from Islam. If it is confirmed with certainty that someone is a Muslim, then it is not permissible to judge him to be as a non-Muslim except with certainty as well. For more benefit on the conditions that should be met for declaring someone as a non-Muslim, please refer to Fataawa 91567, 84943 and 135063. Therefore, the fact that she does not observe some obligations does not mean that she becomes a non-Muslim due to that.

Finally, it should be noted that loving a non-Muslim because of him/her being a relative and the like while hating the religion he is following, is permissible. However, the obedience of the wife to her husband takes priority over her obedience to her parents, and his right takes priority over their rights, let alone over other people’s rights.

Allaah Knows best.