Salaam, i recently had a quarrel with a friend about an issue. the issue was that he was saying that a husband's relatives (excluding parents) have a higher status/ should be more important to a wife than her own relatives(excluding parents). My stance was that they hold the same status or importance to a wife. Kindly let me know whose stance is right and why. Thankyou very much ! Allah hafiz

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

The relatives of the wife, whether they are her parents or other relatives, have a great right upon her, a right that is not rivaled by the right of any of the relatives of her husband unless such a relative has a blood relation with her. Allaah Says (what means): {Worship Allaah and associate nothing with Him and to parents do good, and to relatives…} [Quran 4:36]

Therefore, it becomes clear that both of you and your friend are wrong. However, it is known that the relatives of the husband are the in-laws of the wife, and being kind to them and having good relationships with them is something Islamically required. Indeed, the Prophet used to have good relationships with his in-laws. Also, he said: ''You will soon conquer Egypt, a land where Qiraat (a measure of weight and area) is used. When you conquer that land, you have to treat its people kindly since they have a right to security and ties of kinship upon you.” and in another wording: "They have a right to security and ties of marriage upon you.” [Muslim] This Hadeeth highlights the right of one's in-laws upon him/her.

Finally, we would like to point out to the two following matters:

1.     The right of the husband upon his wife comes in priority over the rights of her parents when the rights of the husband and her parents coincide, let alone her other relatives. So, the wife’s obedience to her husband comes in priority over her obedience to her parents. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 100619.

2.     The debate should be in a nice and gentle manner and one should avoid dispraised argumentation, let alone if this leads to disputes. Abu Umaamah Al-Baahili said: the Prophet said: ''I guarantee a house at the boundary of Paradise for him who gives up quarreling even if he is right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Paradise for him who does not tell a lie even if he is joking, and I guarantee a house in the upper part of Paradise for him who has a good conduct.” [Abu Daawood]

Allaah Knows best.