I want to marry a divorced woman who is five years older than me. She is a relative of mine and I proposed to her. But I fear that she might compare me to her ex-husband in terms of sexual ability in particular as well as other matters in general. What is the correct way to deal with her after marriage? Noting that I want her as a wife, what do you advise me?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, recommended marrying virgin women, as Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah narrated that he said, “I married a woman during the lifetime of the Messenger of Allaah . I met the Prophet and he asked: “O Jaabir, have you married?” I said, “Yes.” He said: “A virgin or one previously-married?” I said, “A previously-married woman.” Whereupon, he said: “Why did you not marry a virgin with whom you could play?” I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have sisters; I was afraid that she might intervene between me and them.” He replied: “Then it is that (which is the correct thing to do). A woman is married for her religiousness, wealth and beauty, so you should choose the religious one; lest you lose.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim. This is the wording of Muslim]

‘Utbah ibn ‘Uwaym narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Marry virgin women for they have sweeter mouths, more fertile wombs, and are more content with what is little.” [Ibn Maajah in his Sunan. Al-Albaani: Hasan]

(Sweeter in mouths): It means that their mouths smell good and their saliva is sweeter. It could also mean lack of obscenity and impudence because they still maintain their bashfulness due to not mixing with men.  (More content with little): It means that they are content with little expenses and sexual intercourse because they did not experience it before.

As Al-Munaawi stated in Faydh Al-Qadeer, the command in the two aforementioned Hadeeths is for recommendation, not for obligation.

To us, the preponderant opinion is that marrying virgin women is better in principle, based on the previously mentioned proofs.

Nevertheless, the ruling could be different from one person to another, like when one has children, as was the case with Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah . The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, accepted his justification and considered it a correct decision. This may also be the case with a man who lacks the ability to deflower his wife's virginity or maybe he wants to marry a certain woman who has been previously-married due to her good religious, moral and physical characteristics, as in the case under question.

Consequently, we advise the questioner to compare the consequent benefits and harms of his marriage to that woman. He should also perform the Istikhaarah (guidance) prayer, resort to Allaah The Almighty with supplication and humbleness and then proceed with that which Allaah The Almighty inclines his heart to.

We ask Allaah The Almighty to guide us all to what He likes and approves.

Allaah Knows best.