Salam alaykoum, ive been married for 10 months now as a second wife (in a non-muslim country). my husband is often abroad, but when he is in the country, he lives with his 1. wife and their children in a house, in another city, then he comes to me (but its very seldom, in these 10 months we only spent 7 weeks together). he asked me if i would move to their house as there is one floor, which is free (separate entrance). i rejected, as i dont want to be forced to be in contact with the 1. wife - i dont feel confident with polygamy - i tolerate it, as long as im not faced with the 1. wife and their life together. it would be no problem for my husband to rent or even to buy a flat for us, he is wealthy enough, but he says im disobedient to him and since weve been married, he refuses to provide means of sustenance to me. he also uses condoms - against my will - so i cant get pregnant, but he claims he wants to have children with me. few days ago he told me, we could have children, if i say "yes" to the next wife, he is going to take. what do you think about all this situation? im pretty confused. i consider to ask him for khul, because in my eyes, he doesnt give me my rights (maintenance & children) - am i right or wrong? his mahr for me was omra. what should i give him back? jazak Allahu Kheir salam alaykoum

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If your husband is not just between you and his other wife with regard to staying overnight equally with each of you, then he is wrong and is against the order of the Sharee’ah because a husband is obligated to be just between his wives even if they are in different countries as stated by the jurists . For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa  90663. 

The wife has the right upon her husband for a separate residence and for him to spend on her as we clarified in Fataawa 85012 and 84608. Therefore, if the house which your husband asked you to move into has separate facilities, then it is an obligation on you to obey him, because it is an obligation on the wife to obey her husband in what is permissible and reside with him wherever he resides. If you refuse, then you are disobedient and being disobedient makes you lose your right upon him in spending on you and being just with you and his other wife in regard to staying overnight with you.

However, if he refuses to spend on you without a sound reason, and you find any money of his, then it is permissible for you to take from it (according to your need) without his knowledge. If you are not able to do so, you are permitted to take the matter to the authorities that are specialized in dealing with the personal matters of the Muslims, such as Islamic Centers, so that they would oblige him to spend on you or oblige him to divorce you if he refuses to spend on you while you want divorce.

On the other hand, your husband is not permitted to prevent you from having children without a sound excuse as having children is the right of both spouses. Besides, he is not permitted to use a condom without your consent as, in this case, he is preventing you from having children and from full enjoyment. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 163651 and 195927.

As regards him marrying a third wife in case he is able to be just between all of you (i.e. his wives), then this is permissible for him and it does not depend on your permission for him to marry. Accordingly, he has no right to make your consent to his third marriage a condition for having children with you, because having children is your right as a wife as we have already mentioned.

For more benefit on the wisdom and conditions of polygyny, please refer to Fataawa 81469, 90132 and 86818.

Finally, if a wife is harmed by staying with her husband, she has the right to seek divorce or Khul’; the compensation for Khul’ could be any money that is agreed upon by both spouses and it does not necessarily have to be (returning) the dowry. For more benefit on some of the rulings on Khul’, please refer to Fataawa 90676 and 89039.

Allaah Knows best.