My husband and i are married for 20 yrs and have 3 kids...we had a very depressing conflicting life .he neglected me alot and because of this i went to have male friends through net about 3 yrs back just for friend ship but eneded up having illicit relationship. About 6 months baxk i came to know my husband having an affair with a married woman and wants to marry her.i was so devasted i told him everything about my self and complete ly stopped all conections with internet friends and repented with full sinceeety to Allah which i will keep on doing all my life . my husband is very upset since then .he is accusing me and hating me and he is all away from me but he doesnt want to leave me for kids sake.he is still with this woman but not marrying her .what should we both do .is divorce the right path for us as we are just incompatible with each other or just seperation.please help me

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

Both the husband and the wife are enjoined to keep good marital relationship with each other; Allaah says (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allaah is Exalted in Might and Wise.}[Quran 2:228]

This could be achieved by each spouse fulfilling his/her rights and obligations towards the other. For benefit on the rights of both spouses with respect to the other, please refer to Fataawa 85308 and 83157.

A bad marital relationship between spouses often leads to bad consequences and your situation with your husband is the best example of this. It seems that the bad relationship between you led each of you to have illicit relationships. Nonetheless, you did well by turning back to Allaah in repentance. If the conditions of this repentance were met, then it will be accepted by Allaah, Allaah willing. So, we ask Allaah to forgive your previous sins and keep you from committing sins in the future. For benefit on the conditions of sincere repentance, please refer to Fatwa 86527.

It is unfortunate that your husband holds you accountable for a sin from which you have repented; since the Almighty Lord forgives and pardons, why is it that a weak servant does not forgive?

Also, your husband must hasten to repent and cut his relationship with that woman. He should rectify matters between you and him, for what is lawful will make him in no need of what is forbidden. Besides, it is not wise and reasonable for a husband to keep his wife hanging; he has either to keep you in kindness or divorce you on reasonable terms.

As far as you are concerned, you should be patient and endeavor to reconcile with your husband, first by supplicating Allaah, and then by seeking the help from wise and rational people from your family and his. Do not hasten to seek divorce until it becomes clear to you that it is the best for you and your children. A woman remaining on occasion with her husband, even with this separation, may be better than divorce.

Allaah Knows best.