Assalaamu alaykum. I feel very uncomfortable, confused, oppressed. When my fiancé and I first got engaged, he asked me whether I had had any relations with men in the past. I told him that I had not. Somehow, he learned that I have lied and told me that I have to tell him and that it is his right to know. I did research on this matter of telling him of my past, and it was said that I should not tell him. So I would only answer to what he asked and not tell him anymore. He started to distrust me because he kept going to old message accounts and discover that there was more. He would ask again and threaten by Allaah that if I did not tell him we would no longer be together. He would tell me he was having very bad dreams of me and that those are signs from Allaah that I am hiding more lies of the past from him. I kept only answering his questions and not telling him everything, and he would keep researching into my past because he is very good with technology would confront me again. I swear by Allaah that I have never had relations behind his back, but he makes me seem as if I am a liar and a cheater. I changed my ways for the sake of Allaah and used the ways that my fiancé has taught me to be better. He helped me to learn more about Islam. However, this issue regarding the past hurts me very much, and everytime I feel that we are doing better and that I am doing better and moving past my sins, something is brought up of my past by my fiancé. I feel as though everything is against my will. I have made mistakes by swearing by Allaah to deny past sins, but only Allaah knew that my intention was to cover for myself. I have repented from this. My fiancé kept pushing me until now, it has been nine months, and he finally knows everything. I feel that he will never believe that this is it, but it is. I feel very oppressed by him always telling me I am a liar or a person who cannot change and that I wronged him. I love him so much want everything to be better. I need help; I do not have much knowledge in Islam. Please reply soon.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Your fiancé has no right to ask you about your mistakes in the past, and you are not obliged to inform him about them, as we have already clarified in fatwa 121113.

If you did not tell him about the mistakes that you committed in the past, then you have done the right thing, and you are not considered a liar, as you did what is required of you of concealing your sins. It is true that lying is forbidden, but if it is an obligatory means to achieve a valid benefit, then the scholars permitted it, as has been highlighted in fataawa 84728 and 88412, where we clarified that tawriyah (saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand) is a substitute instead of direct lies.

Therefore, if that man is investigating about you and your past, then he is very wrong and has transgressed the limits of Allaah. He should only be concerned about your current state and help you in becoming righteous. To err is human; and the problem is if one does not repent and return to Allaah. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said, “Indeed, all of the children of Aadam (Adam) commit sins, but the best of them are those who repent.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

To conclude, if marriage with him is facilitated, then all the best, otherwise, do not feel sorry about him. How do you know that his marriage to you is good? You should put the matter in the Hands of Allaah and ask Him to bless you with a pious husband. Allaah says (what means): {But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allaah Knows while you know not.} [Quran 2:216]

We should also point out the importance of consultation and istikhaarah (guidance-seeking prayer) about marriage so that Allaah would guide you to what is best in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 81434.

Allaah knows best.