As-Salaamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullaah
A young man from within my family proposed to me. Although he prays and fasts, i.e. performs the essentials of religion, he smokes cigarettes and listens to songs. However, I have sought the guidance of Allaah through Istikhaarah (guidance-seeking prayer), but I am still confused: on the one hand, I feel I cannot accept him since he is not the man whom I wish for, as I want a man who abides by religious teachings. On the other hand, I am afraid my rejection of him might give rise to problems in the family, leading to severing kinship ties. Would you advise me soon for they are awaiting my reply? May Allaah reward you.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

The young man you have mentioned in your question is addicted to two things that are unlawful according to the correct opinion of scholars. Also, the wise Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, urged the man to obtain a religious woman if he intends to marry, and he also urged the woman to marry a man whose religion and manners are acceptable. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "If there comes to you a man whose religion and manners are acceptable to you [to marry from women under your guardianship), then, let him marry [from them]  otherwise, there would be temptation on earth and great corruption." [At-Tirmithi]

This Hadeeth (narration), depending upon the concept of reciprocal logic , indicates that if one whose religion is not acceptable comes as a suitor, his request of marriage should be rejected. This is true of this young man. It is well-known that the effect of smoking goes beyond the smoker and has an impact on those living with him in the same house, as proven . Additionally, this type of husband would be a bad example for his wife and children, who may imitate what he does as regards smoking and listening to songs. Undoubtedly, anyone who has these two characteristics, or any such evil behavior e.g. devouring usury and working in usury-based banks or places of evildoings, is not acceptable in terms of religion and moral character.

We agree with you that you have the right to choose the husband who befits you as much as you are permitted to do, and, at the same time, we advise your guardian not to get in the way of your choice; on the contrary, he has to praise Allaah The Almighty Who endowed him with a righteous girl who seeks only a righteous man for a husband.

In conclusion, you should attempt to convince your family that such a young man, regardless of his being a relative, is not worthy of their eagerness to convince you to marry him. If they are convinced by this, that is good. But if they give you a good reason, e.g. you have grown old and there is a fear you could have no other opportunity for marriage, and other such excuses, then, you should seek the guidance of Allaah The Almighty through Istikhaarah prayer, and continue with the matter, and do your best to invite the man to do good. There are many women who have been the means of rectifying a man!

Allaah Knows best.