My husband always jokes about getting another wife, but I think he is more serious about it. When we have a disagreement or a difference of opinion about the family he says if I don't change the way I am or my attitude that he's going to get married. This scares me a lot. I know he's not doing anything Haram by getting married and I'm not trying to stop him or take any of his rights given to him by Allah, but I feel it would change our relationship a lot and I don't think I would be able to live with it. How am I supposed to think in a better way? And if I don't accept that kind of a lifestyle am I a non-believer? Do I have a right to say take your right of 4 wives but I don't want to be one of them?

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Allah has made polygamy lawful to men, as Allah Says (what means): {…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.} [Quran 4:3]

The condition for this is the ability to make justice among the wives as far as expenditure, clothing, where to live as well the time to spend with each one of them.

So, if the man fears he may fail to be just with all of his wives he should then restrict himself to one wife. We remind you that the Prophet married more than one wife and so did many of his Companions. Based on this, there is no harm if your husband marries a second wife but it is better not to make jokes about this matter. In fact polygamy should not be used as a secret dissuasive weapon used to threaten the wife and to settle disputes through it. Polygamy is not a game, it is a major responsibility which has its duties and costs.

On the other hand, we advise you not to give any importance to what your husband says as many of the men who repeat these things do not usually do anything. You may also refuse to live with him if he does not do justice between you and any other wife he marries. In this case, you should put your case before an Islamic court or a group of pious Muslims who would either settle the issue in a good way or separate you and him.

On the other hand, your refusal does not make you a non-believer. But we advise you to try to treat this subject with your husband patiently and wisely and in a comprehensive way. Try to give him all his rights and do not do anything before performing the Istikhaarah prayer and consulting some pious and righteous people for advice as to avoid destroying your home in a moment of impatience and anger. Be patient, trust in Allah, perform as much good deeds as you can and invoke Allah to ease your sorrows and guide you to the right path.

For more benefit on Istikhaarah prayer, please refer to Fataawa 173969, 172573, and 81434.

Allah knows best.