I want to get married but I live in the US away from my family. How can I find a wife? Should I ask people in the mosque?

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

It is your duty to take an action concerning marriage, since this constitutes a form of obedience to Allah and His Prophet . It is a source of lawful enjoyment and good offspring also productive in guarding one from committing misdeeds.

The Prophet said: “O young people, whoever is able to marry should marry as it helps him lower his gaze and protect his private parts (from committing illegal sexual intercourse), and whoever is not able to marry, he should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual desires.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Also, it is proved that the Prophet said: “Marry the friendly and prolific woman, as I will outnumber other nations by you (by your abundant number) [on the Day of Judgment].” [Ahmad, Abu Daawood and Al-Bayhaqi]

As for choosing a wife, here is our advice:

1) Performing the Istikhaarah prayer; i.e., praying to Allah to help you choose the best.

2) Seeking Allah's Help, goodness and guidance.

3) Seeking the advice of someone whom you think is religious and pious, with a sound mind and experience.

4) Looking for someone who is suitable for you religiously and morally for the prophetic Hadeeth that reads: "A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her family lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the religious one, you will prosper." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

So, according to the Prophetic standards, the best is to choose a religious woman, since she takes care of Allah's rights as well as her husband's and children's rights. But this does not mean that we may neglect the other qualities, for the Prophet advised us to look at a woman before marrying her.

In addition, you can seek some religious men whose wives may help you find a suitable wife. When you identify a woman, try to see her (in accordance to the Sharee’ah) for the Prophet said: “When one of you asks for a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so.” [Al-Musnad]

Abu Daawood also reported that Jabir said: “I proposed to a young woman and I used to hide from her until I saw what induced me to marry her, then I married her.”

Also, it is not necessary to have her guardian's permission to look at her as long as there is intention of marriage and there is a general ruling in the Sharee’ah that gives permission.

Therefore, you can look at her and talk to her to recognize her intellectual ability and ask her about what she likes and dislikes. If you find what is suitable for you, you are advised to engage with her. You should know that it is impossible to find the complete qualities and the ideal woman.

Here, we advise you to observe the following:

1) When you meet her, it should not be in privacy; i.e., there should be one of her Mahaarim (plural of Mahram), or one of your female Mahaarim.

2) If you meet her, you have to avoid any way of contact after that till the contract of marriage is done, since she is a non-Mahram to you before the contract.

Finally, deal with her politely, fear Allah and never hurt her since you have her in the name of Allah's order.

Allah knows best.