I have a strange, confusing problem. In fact my father and brothers sexually abused me in my childhood and later life. At that time, I had no idea how sinful this act was. Later I tried to stop them, but they threatened me. I was so upset that to teach them a lesson, I indulged in sex with other guys, and told my family, ‘if you people do that, then I will do this with the other guys’, and then my father and brothers left me. I was in a strange condition, because my mother, sisters all beat me, and asked me to shut my mouth. Sir, I am living with these brothers and father. Do I leave them all? Does Allah forgive me? I do not know the extent of my sin in all these acts. I want to become a good pious girl. What do you advise me? I can give you my history in detail if you to respond me. Sir, please help me, and don't leave me in chaos. I am thinking these days of suicide I am no longer able to think any thing.

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

We urge you contact known Muslim scholars and known Muslim religious organizations immediately about your situation and seek their help and protection.  May Allah help you.

Adultery and fornication in one of the most heinous and horrible major sins.  Allah has threatened whoever does it with a severe punishment in this life and in the Hereafter.

Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allâh forgives him).}[17:32].   Allah also Says (interpretation of meaning): {And those who invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh, nor kill such life as Allâh has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;}[25:68-69].  This is just about the punishment of committing adultery and fornication.  If this adultery and fornication is committed with a daughter or a sister, or any other relative or Mahram, then the punishment would be greater and more severe.

The Law-Maker, who is the Most-Wise, has decreed much frightening punishment.

Tirmizi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad and Al Hakim reported from the Hadith of Ibn Abbas and with his father (Radiya Allahu Anhuma) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “Kill whoever has sex with a Mahram”.  Because no one does this act except a person whose desire and nature is perverted.

We advise you to find a husband who will protect you from this mischief and you can resort to one of the Islamic centres.

You have to rescue yourself.  The bad environment in which you were brought up could cause a boredom to you, which could lead to your destruction.

If you kill yourself, that is worse and is a greater sin in the sight of Allah.  So do not think about committing a suicide.

Bukhari and Muslim reported that Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said:"Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever". [Bukhari and Muslim].

You have to have confidence that the mercy of Allah is immense and great, and know that Allah forgives all the sins.

Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Say: "O 'Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh, verily Allâh forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.}[39:53].

He also turns the bad deeds of the people who repent into good deeds if they are sincere in their repentance, believe and perform good actions.  Allah Says (interpretation of meaning) after the above verses in Surah Al-Furqan: {Except those who repent and believe (in Islâmic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allâh will change their sins into good deeds,……}[25:70].

Ibn Majah reported from the Hadith of Abu Ubaida Bin Abdullah from his father that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “A person who (sincerely) repents from his sin, is similar to a person who has no sins”.

Tirmizi, Ibn Majah, Darimi and Ahmad reported from the Hadith of Anas that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “All the sons of Adam commit sins, but the best of them are those who repent”.

Since you are shattered and deeply regret what had happened and want to be a pious and a practising Muslim, then Allah has promised to forgive to those with the qualities like the ones you have mentioned.

Allah knows best.