i had a sexual relationship with my boyfriend.i knew that it was a sin but he led me to believe that when we would marry our sins would be erased. now i realise that it was wrong and i pray to god for forgiveness and mercy. When my boyfriend came to request my hand in marriage-he refused my fathers conditions on dowry money in case of divorce. now he tells me that i have 2 options: either to forget him and to move on with my life (and maybe even do an operation so that i can appear to be a virgin again), or to marry him without my family's permission, knowing that he refuses to put a reasonable figure for dowry; and knowing that he tells me in advance; that he may divorce me. also, i recently discovered that he is not a pious muslim, he drinks alcohol and has sexual relationships with many women. i feel i cannot trust him and i feel that he is only marrying me to please his family; as they are pressuring him to do the right thing by me and marry me. i feel very lost and i pray to god for guidance in making the right decison from a religious perspective, would i be doing the wrong thing by refusing to marry him without my parents acceptance, knowing that he has divorce in mind? what would be the right thing to do? i am looking for "sitra" but i fear him.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

There is no doubt that the crime of fornication which you committed is a grave major sin which requires one to sincerely repent to Allaah while fulfilling the conditions of a true repentance like not committing the sin again, regretting it, and being determined not to return to it again.

As regards the statement of the fornicator that marriage wipes out the sin of fornication, then this is a lie and by saying this, he has committed another sin in addition to the sin of fornication, which is speaking on behalf of Allaah without knowledge.

You should be careful not to add to your sin of fornication another sin, which is marrying this fornicator before he repents and without the permission of your parents. It is neither correct nor acceptable to marry a fornicator unless he sincerely repents to Allaah, and marrying without the consent of the guardian is an invalid marriage. We clarified both matters in Fataawa 88804 and 83629, so please refer to them.

What you are obliged to do now is first to sincerely repent to Allaah and then conceal your sin until Allaah makes a way out for you; it might be that another man, who is better than this fornicator, would propose to marry you. If another man proposes to marry you, you are not obliged to inform him about your sin, rather you are obliged to conceal it.

For more benefit on the ruling of reconstructing your hymen, please refer to Fatwa 81575.