Her husband is sluggish and wasting his time Fatwa No: 228001
- Fatwa Date:1-12-2013
Assalamu alaykum,I hope you can help me with an issue I have regarding my husband; We married a year and a half ago (Apr 2012) but we do not live together yet as was agreed by both of us; I still live with my parents. He lives very close to me (5 min drive) and I regularly visit his home to keep him company and fulfil duties that a wife should fulfil towards her husband. My problem is that I find my husband extremely lazy; he works from home but this only takes him a few hours in the morning and perhaps some hours in the evening. During the day, he may attend university for a few hours, but this is only three days a week. My issue is that during all his free time, he is wasteful and lazy; he does not know how to read Qur'an but refuses to learn from a teacher because of money issues, and instead insists on teaching himself. Additionally, he does not take any classes in the masjid and instead just busies himself with his laptop at home, sometimes doing beneficial courses but mostly wasting time on the internet. I clean his home and cook every single time I am there, however, I find that he does not respect my efforts and whenever I come back, everything is like a dustbin. I fear that cleanliness is half of our deen and I regularly encourage that he should also keep his house clean. I do not mind cleaning for him, it is just that every single time, he keeps his home so bad that it takes me hours to clean again. E.g. when he visited his mum in Germany and came home, he left his suitcases and dirty clothes in the middle of the room for weeks. I am frustrated as I come and make a huge effort every single time but it is wasted again and again. For the amount of time he has to spare, some cleanliness is not hard. I have tried to tell him numerous times and sometimes it can result in argument. What is ruling with cleanliness in the home? Is it the duty of the wife only to clean? Should he waste so much time? Should he learn Qur'an from a proper teacher? Please help me.
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. First of all, we ask Allaah to guide your husband to His straight path and stir his desire for good deeds and rid him of inability and laziness. We advise both of you to endeavor to do what would make your marriage and affection continue and avoid anything that would lead to dispute especially as you are at the beginning of your marital life. Indeed, you have done well by serving your husband and fulfilling his needs; this is evidence of good character and manners; so may Allaah reward you. The jurists differed in opinion regarding the ruling of the service of the wife to her husband, and the most correct opinion is that it is an obligation according to custom as we have previously clarified in Fatwa 86344. Nonetheless, the husband should not overburden his wife. Rather, he should help her with the housework as the Prophet used to do. Al-Aswad said: "I asked 'Aa'ishah "What did the Prophet use to do in his house?" She replied: “He used to serve his family, and when the time for the prayer was due, he would go out for the prayer.” [Al-Bukhari] Imaam Ahmad narrated in his al-Musnad that Al-Qaasim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, related that Aa'ishah was asked: "What did the Prophet use to do in his house?" She replied: “He was a human being just like all other human beings. He used to remove the fleas from his clothes, milk his sheep, and serve himself." On the other hand, your husband should not waste his life in jest and play or in laziness and negligence; rather, he should endeavor to use his free time for interests of this world and the Hereafter, as the person's life and appointed time are limited. Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated that the Prophet said, “Many are cheated out of two blessings: health and free time.” [Al-Bukhari] Also, Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated that the Prophet said to a man while advising him, “Take advantage of five things before five things befall you: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your richness before your poverty, your free-time before you become busy, and your life before your death.” [Al-Haakim and Al-Bayhaqi] For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 17666. As regards learning the recitation of the Quran and memorizing it, this is an important matter and an act by which one gets closer to Allaah, and there is a great virtue in doing so. ‘Uthmaan narrated that the Prophet said, “The best amongst you is the one who learns the Quran and teaches it to others.” [Al-Bukhari] The same applies to learning Islamic knowledge in general, as it is a way that leads a person to enter Paradise. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said, “Whoever treads a path for seeking (Islamic) knowledge, Allaah will make his path to Paradise easy (because of his seeking Knowledge)." [Muslim] Therefore, we advise you to advise your husband in a gentle and soft manner and with good words in the light of what we have mentioned above. You may also seek the help of those to whom he looks up; so that they advise him regarding the good conduct and good deeds that you would like him to do. You should not forget to supplicate Allaah as much as possible and hope in Him as whoever puts hope in Allaah will never despair or regret. Allaah Knows best.