I have quite a long-explanation question to ask you, but in brief: I am a European woman married to a Palestinian man as a second wife. We married more than one year ago but we knew each other for two years already and my husband used to be in a situation of adultery before we sealed our destinies before Allah. I precise that I converted to Islam (I was a Catholic) the day I married. My husband didn't tell his first wife about our wedding because he told me he asked imams and got the information he could marry a second wife without his first one knowing. But after one year of wedding, he decided to tell her. And yet, after having been trying to accept the idea for her husband's sake and Allah's sake, she definitely refused this union, asking her husband to divorce me, what we don't want to deep inside us. They already have four children together and my husband is 18 years older than me. We are not living in the same country yet and we never lived together until now, excepted for the summer period which came after our wedding. I don't want to divorce and I am ready to accept my husband's first wife's conditions but it seems she is not enough spiritual to understand Islam as a comprehensive religion. And my husband and his first wife's families wouldn't be keen accepting polygamy. I feel disappointed by Arabs who should be at the vanguard of Islamic doctrina and way of life. What do you suggest me to do?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.

What those Imaams told your husband is correct: a man can marry a second wife without informing his first wife, but it is her right over him that he be just between her and his other wife. This is the condition that Allaah has stipulated upon anyone who wants to take a second wife; Allaah says (what means): {…then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one ...} [Quran 4:3]

Hence, we cannot set a condition that Allaah has not set.

It is impermissible for a woman to ask her husband to divorce his other wife, as we have already clarified in Fataawa 86514 and 86783.

The husband should not accept her demands and divorce his wife just because his first wife requested this and is putting pressure on him to do so. We advise him to be wise and solve the problem in a calm and correct manner. At the same time, he should seek the help of Allaah and ask for success and guidance.

Using indirectness is one of means of doing so. For example, he may speak with expressions by which his wife understands that his other wife is no longer his wife while he intends another meaning. Speaking with indirectness is better than openly lying. For more benefit about indirect speech (Tawriyah), please refer to Fatwa 96115. The fact that he is not living with you now may help him handle this situation in light of what we have mentioned.

For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 91150 and 86783.

Finally, we warn Muslims to beware of blaming Islam for the bad behavior of some Arabs or Muslims, as some Arabs do not believe in Allaah and they are in fact hostile to Islam and the Muslims. An example of this is Abu Lahab who was the uncle of the Prophet . He disbelieved in Allaah and was hostile and caused harm to the Prophet. Indeed, a Soorah of the Quran was revealed about him and his wife as they both used to harm the Prophet . Moreover, some Muslims may be hypocrites, and this type of people existed at the time of the Prophet and the Quran exposed them, and a Soorah was named after them [Al-Munaafiqoon (the Hypocrites)].

To sum up, Islam remains with its glory, beauty, principles and rulings which achieve happiness in the world and the Hereafter. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 127523.

Allaah Knows best.