I pronounced the divorce several times out of ignorance or confusion due to what shaykhs were telling me. All utterings were at the urging of my wife while I was just going along with her wishes. An imam told me that I can take her back anytime and I wrongly assumed that I can divorce and take her back as many times as I want. Also, to the best of my knowledge, at least two of the utterings were made during a time where we had had intercourse since her last menstrual cycle. A shaykh let us remarry a second time after three divorces were given and said that the rule on her having to remarry and divorce another man for us to get back together only applied if there were witnesses present for the utterings, and there were none. I later found out that he did not count at least one of the divorces. After the second marriage, I divorced her again at her urging, but I thought that he divorce count was back at zero since there was a new marriage. We went back to the shaykh and he let us remain married; I just payed money as an expiation. A few months before the second marriage, we started a civil/legal divorce in the US courts. My intention was not for this to be another divorce at all. I had other intentions for getting a legal divorce though the court system of the disbelievers. The shaykh later told us that the legal/civil divorce though the courts counted as an Islamic divorce and he was confused on how to rule on this. He recommended going to another shaykh, which is why I am asking you. Please explain what the ruling is on all this. Are we married? We have two beautiful children, and I do not want a divorce because they will be the victims of it.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. 

There is no doubt that divorce is a grave matter; some scholars even held that it is prohibited in principle given the evils it incurs as it leads to the break-up of the family and the loss of children and the like. Hence, the Muslim should not take it lightly, nor should spouses hasten to divorce when faced with marital problems; there are other ways of addressing marital problems detailed in the sharee'ah in case of nushooz (recalcitrance) on part of one of the spouses. For more information, please, refer to fataawa 85402 and 97217.

We cannot decisively rule whether your wife has become revocably or irrevocably divorced (i.e. whether such a divorce counts as a revocable divorce with minor separation - in which the husband can revoke the divorce and take his wife back in marriage - or an irrevocable divorce with major separation - in which the husband cannot re-enter the marriage contract with his divorced wife unless she, after having married and established conjugal relations with her new husband, is divorced for some reason or widowed and is willing to re-enter into a marriage contract with her ex-husband) given the ambiguity concerning the actual number of the occurrences of divorce.

However, you should know that ignorance of the rulings of divorce does not prevent it from becoming effectuated, and the fact that the wife urged the husband into it is of no significance. Once the husband utters the words of divorce willingly with the intention of issuing divorce, divorce takes effect. The presence of witnesses is also not among the conditions to the validity of divorce according to the opinion of the majority of scholars, as underlined in fatwa 133297. Also, please refer to fatwa 92352.

The bidʻi divorce (i.e. innovated divorce that is not issued in accordance with the Sunnah) is like the case in which a husband divorces his wife during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her. According to the preponderant scholarly view, which is the opinion of the majority of scholars, divorce does take effect in this case. Please refer to fatwa 151575. Revoking the divorce and taking the wife back in marriage does not cancel out the occurrence of divorce.

However, if a scholar that you trust gave you fatwa that the bidʻi divorce or the divorce issued with no witnesses does not take place and you followed his scholarly opinion, then there is no harm on you in that.

You should know that the divorce issued by civil courts run by man-made laws does not count as per the sharee'ah unless accompanied with the husband's issuance of a divorce either through verbal declaration or in writing coupled with the intention of issuing divorce. For further information, please, refer to fatwa 90056. Also, please note that it is impermissible to refer disputes to man-made laws except in case of necessity.

Lastly, we would like to advise you to refer the case to one of the Islamic centers in your country of residence; the Islamic centers are the concerned authorities responsible for addressing disputes among Muslims in such cases. You may also directly consult a trustworthy scholar other than the scholar that you have consulted before to relate the details of each occurrence of divorce to him so that he can issue the suitable fatwa for you.

Allaah knows best.