Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuhu. For the past few days, I have been looking at the parents' rights on the son’s marriage. My parents started looking for me but without asking about any of my interests, views, and expectations; even after I told them that we first had to discuss these, they plan to look for me. I have an affair with a Christian girl and would like to marry her. I saw in many fatwas that the boy has the right to choose his own spouse (wether Christian, Jew, or Muslim) as long as she is chaste and that the parents cannot force him to marry. It also said to sit and talk with them and convince them. However, while I was reading about the parents' rights on the son’s income, I saw that it said that we must fully give their rights, not hurt them, obey them, and so on. (http://qa.islam.com/comments/e099c64e7a#gsc.tab=0) So please guide me on this, am I not supposed to choose my desired spouse? She is a Christian who does not pray to idols (images of Jesus, peace be upon him; the cross; and so on). She believes in one God and also believes that Jesus is not God’s son but rather some one more special than all human beings. She also likes to read Quran and is happy that she follows most of it. She wants to wear the hijab and the burkah (black, full length dress for women), she grew up in a hostel and went to a school and college for girls only. She does not like to talk with any guys or party or celebrate birthdays. She accepted to raise the children in an Islamic way. She is ready to accept Islam, but I have asked her to wait as I do not want to force her. I also do not want her to convert without knowing much about islam. So, in this case, what can I do? Though it is obligatory to obey the parents, I could not do things apart from my heart in my marriage. I do love them and also obey them in all other ways. How do I handle this? What am I supposed to do? Please help. May Allaah reward you.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to bless you with a pious wife with whom you will be happy. We advise you to earnestly supplicate Allaah, the Lord of the heavens and the earth, as much as possible. Marriage is a serious matter and a long  journey that may involve some risks that would lead to separation. So you should be cautious in choosing a wife in order to ensure the continuity of your future life together, and all success is from Allaah.

The jurists stated that the parents are not entitled to force their son to marry a woman whom he is not pleased with as a wife. We have already highlighted this in fatwa 120515. However, this does not mean that the son should ignore their opinion. Usually, the parents are keen on achieving what benefits their son, and they may perceive things better than him as they are more experienced in life and favor reason over emotions. Hence, the son should be dutiful to them as much as he can, and the outcome of this would be goodness, Allaah willing.

Dialogue and understanding should always exist between you and your parents.

Just as parents are not entitled to force their son to marry a girl whom he does not like; in return, the son is not permitted to marry a girl whom his parents are not pleased with. So if he cannot persuade them, then he is obliged to obey them, because obeying parents is an obligation while marrying a specific woman is not an obligation unless there is a preponderant benefit. Please, refer to fataawa 125243 and 120515.

On the other hand, we draw your attention to the fact that even though marrying a chaste woman from the People of the Book is permissible in principle, some scholars disliked it because of some prohibitions which we have already mentioned in fataawa 84159 and 88451.

Yes, if she becomes a Muslim and proves that she is abiding by the Islamic religion and becomes righteous, then marrying her is good, but while taking into consideration what we have already mentioned regarding the objection of your parents.

Finally, if you continue to face difficulties in marrying this girl, then you should look for another righteous Muslim woman, who would help you in your religion and your worldly matters and raise your children upon the correct creed and good moral conduct, to marry. There are many women out there, and you will not regret it. Allaah says (what means): {But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allaah knows, while you know not.} [Quran 2:216]

Also, if this girl is willing to embrace Islam, then you may seek the help of some righteous Muslim women to teach her the true religion of Islam, help and encourage her to embrace it, and do what would make her be steadfast on it.

Allaah knows best.