We are 4 brothers and one sister. My parents are old and except for my one younger brother all my brothers and me are outside the country. My mother never tells my eldest brother to take care of them. She always my that brother who lives near them for not taking good care of them which I feel is not fair because eldest brother always shouts at my younger brother but he himself does nothing. We tried several times to explain to our mother that she should be fair to all. She also shouts and mistreats my father and does not let anyone interfere. I tried talking to her but she cries and says that I always fight with her. My question is that if parents are doing something wrong can we tell them and explain it to them or should we out of respect leave them to do what they want?

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

The parents are among the people whom the person should advise to do good deeds and warn against evil deeds.  The obligation to obey them and respect them does not contradict this.  But reminding them or warning them should be done in a very cautious and kind way as to avoid angering them.  Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {….say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.}[17:23]. Allah also Says (interpretation of meaning): {But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly,….}[31:15].

The child should follow, with his/her parents, the best ways and the most suitable styles while enjoining good to them and warning them against evil.

Al Hassan was asked about the child who sees some shortcomings from his/her father.  He said: 'He (the child) should admonish him as long as he is not angry.  When he (the father) gets angry, the child should stop'.

Ibn Abideen said: 'Scholars believe that the child could warn his parents against a sin he sees them committing, but only once.

Now, if they do not give the sin up, he/she should stop as to avoid hurting their feelings and should ask Allah to guide them and forgive their sins'.

Know also that Munkar (sin) is what Allah has forbidden and your mother’s criticism of your younger brother is not a sin.  Know also that you should never criticize your mother as this is against the verse.  Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {…but address them in terms of honour.}[17:23].