I am a divorcee since 1985 and have a son from previous marriage. I met my cousin while I had gone to perform Haj in 2000 and started liking him. Since he is a married man, I did not say anything to anyone and kept it to myself. I used weep in his remembrance but could not tell anyone. After four years again I went for Umra and he took my son for dinner and to Jeddah to his house. Since my ex-husband never came to see my son, I have never seen them together. When I see my son and my cousin together, I felt as if my family was complete. Again, because he is married I could not say anything to him. However, I mentally accepted him as my husband and while I was in the Haram Shareef I prayed to Allaah Taala to make him my husband and performed an a tawaf for this purpose and prayed. Also, when I was in the Haram Shareef and and sitting in Mutaaf, I verbally accepted him as my husband. After coming back from Saudi Arabia I realized that I was deeply in love with him and have wept so much for him that it has been a year almost that I have been weeping and crying for him. I have bitterly cried for him almost daily and almost had a heart attack or a brain hamorrage. I was so sad that if Islam had permitted me I would have taken poison in the first four months. Still I miss him too much. He is aware of this fact, but so far has not said anything to encourage or discourage me. I have been sending him e-mails telling him how sad I am. He is a married man and is religious. He has gone to India to get his daughter married. I want you to tell me where I stand in the light of Islam and want also to pray for me that he feels the same way for me and agree to get nikah with me. I am your daughter as my father is not alive and I need help badly. It has been 11 months now I have been fighting with myself and have been hurt so much that I can not tell you. I am a working woman, but do not like men in general. He is very good qualities in him as a Muslim.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Dear sister,

May Allaah bless you, and grant you peace and patience.

We have answered you before on this matter, and we do not have more than what we have told you before. See our Fatwa 85032.

Once again if you can marry him, we advise you to do so, and this would be the best solution. Allaah will help you, and disregard what people might say.

If you can not marry him then forget him, since no person can fulfill all his wishes in this life.

Finally, your cousin is totally alien for you, so you have to end all your relations. See our Fatwa 89435.

You are not allowed to send e-mails, letters, or to have phone contact, etc. You may spoil his married life and harm his wife and children.

So, you should be patient and should leave what is forbidden. Allaah will grant you better than what you left for His sake.

Allaah Knows best.