As'salaam Alaikum, I'm very blessed by Allah. Last year I met a pious Muslim guy and upon both families' consent, we got married, MashAllah. We are both very blessed to be very educated and working as professionals in a western country. Religiously, socially and financially we are the "perfect match" in so many ways MashAllah. Only one thing is my husband had a very unfortunate marriage before, and then his ex-wife committed adultery and he caught her and they got divorced. Although I met that woman once and she does not have any more contact with my husband now, sometimes I thought about that marriage and saw some pictures of them from the past, I just get very emotionally distressed, depressed and mad for no reason. I started saying some hateful words to my husband about that woman, only to hear his kind and patient explanation. He is not defending her but only asking God's forgiveness and right guidance for her, which is right but because of jealousy of mine, I just can't bear his patience and kindness to her. I know being hateful to her is like using her mistake to ruin our own marriage, but I guess jealousy and ridiculous insecurity are common human flaws. Please help me, tell me what else, besides praying and making Duas, I should do to let go my crazy thoughts?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, you should know that the devil is the enemy of man as he endeavors to make man’s life miserable and make him live in permanent distress. You should know that such thoughts are just whispers from the devil in order to make you sad, so when you have such whispers, you should seek refuge in Allaah from the devil; Allaah Says (what means): {And if an evil suggestion comes to you from Satan, then seek refuge in Allaah Indeed He is All-Hearing and All-Knowing.}[Quran 7:200]

Hence, you should repel these bad thoughts and endeavor to preoccupy yourself with what benefits you in your religion and worldly matters. You should remember the saying of the Prophet said: “Among the good moral characteristics of a person is to leave that which does not concern him.” [Maalik and Ahmad]

For more benefit on how a wife could overcome her excessive jealousy, please refer to Fatwa 90757.

As regards saying hateful words about that woman, then this is not permissible as this may constitute backbiting because backbiting is mentioning about someone in his absence something that he does not like . Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: “Do you know what is backbiting? They (the Companions) said: “Allaah and His Messenger know best.” Thereupon he (the Prophet) said: “Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like.” It was said to him: “What is your opinion if what I say about him is true?” He said: “If what you assert about him is true (is actually found in him), then you have indeed backbited him, and if what you said about him is not in him, then you have indeed slandered him.” [Muslim]

Moreover, saying those things to your husband about that woman is the reason why he said something in which he expressed his kind and patient explanation.

As regards him supplicating Allaah to guide her and forgive her, then this is good but he should not mention this in front of you so that he would not provoke you. He should know that that woman has become a non-Mahram to him, so he should be careful of her.

Allaah Knows best.