Assalaamu alaykum. I have been married for three years and have a boy who is two years old now. Throughout these three years, I have been engaged in online chatting with women. It became an addiction with which I tried to sexually satisfy myself online, and the sexual perversion only escalated. At some point, I was chatting with people of the same sex to fill that void on the internet. I did meet one person on two occasions and had an extra-marital affair with her, but I never did the deed because I stopped myself from doing so. Despite that, I continued with the online perversion but never again met anyone in the process. In the process of all this, I ignored my wife's needs, did not show her any love, and was not an available father. At random times, I feel terrible about myself and say to myself that it should stop, but it never did. Finally, my wife found out about everything and now wants to leave me. I have since connected to Allaah and have started praying again. I gave up all my activities; granted, it has only been a week. I have no intentions to return to any of my previous sins. I am going to Makkah for an Umrah to ask Allaah for further forgiveness. I cry everyday and feel this deep sadness for what I did toward my faith, Allaah, and my wife and family. I am yet unable to have my wife take me back. I realize how much of a loss I have created for myself. I want to know what advice/fatwa you have for someone like me, who is at this stage. How do I get my wife to realize that I will not be the same person again, and how I will be a good man who really realizes that he loves her and wants to change in all ways possible? I pray that you give me guidance, and I pray to Allaah to allow me to repent for all my sins and allow my wife to forgive me or at least give me a chance.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Based on the events that you listed in the question, the seriousness of unwise use of the means of communication, like the Internet and other means, becomes clear, and also how that can lead the person to a corruption that one cannot imagine. All this is because of negligence and heedlessness, which the devil exploits in order to tempt the person. Allaah says (what means): {O children of Adam, let not Satan tempt you as he removed your parents from Paradise, stripping them of their clothing to show them their private parts. Indeed, he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them. Indeed, We have made the devils allies to those who do not believe.} [Quran 7:27]

You did well by abandoning those evil practices, by regretting what you have done, and by becoming determined not to do that again in the future. We hope that this is a sincere repentance; for the conditions of sincere repentance, please refer to fatwa 86527.

We hope that you will be keen on avoiding everything that could lead you to commit this sin again; like being alone when using the Internet, and the like of that.

If a person repents, Allaah accepts his repentance. Allaah is Most Generous and Most Forgiving despite the fact that His slaves are sinful while Allaah bestows all kinds of blessings on them. If this is the case, then it is more appropriate for the people who are wronged to pardon those who wronged them. So, your wife is wrong to hold you to account for a sin from which you have repented; please refer to fatwa 84351.

Your wife has no right to ask for a divorce if she knows that you have repented and stopped those ugly practices. Thawbaan narrated that the Prophet said, “The smell of Paradise is forbidden for any woman who asks her husband to divorce her without a valid reason.” [Abu Daawood, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

Therefore, we advise you to admonish your wife in a soft and gentle manner in light of what we have mentioned and try to please her even by giving her a sum of money so that she will be content. You should seek the help of wise people to reconcile between you and your wife and you should supplicate Allaah to this effect.

We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and wipe out your sin.

Allaah knows best.