Assalamu alaykum, Shaykh. My mother often orders me to wear certain clothes that I do not like without a sound reason. For example, so that the people would not know that we are Muslims or so that they would not stare at us. And I am not only talking about the thawb; also regarding trousers and t-shirts, she obliges me to wear certain clothes (which are not haram, but I dislike them). Now, in most cases, I obey her, although I do believe that it is not obligatory to obey her in such things, but nevertheless highly recomended. So I try to balance this and analyze whether she would become angry or not if I do not obey her. So please clarify this to me according to the best opinion, and tell me whether it is obligatory to obey her, and do keep in mind for which reason she does this. Please also tell me, when I am not with her, or if I live by myself, can I wear those clothes or the thawb which she gets angry about and dislikes (without a sound reason) in her presence? May Allah bless you. I expect an answer, Allah willing. I have already read almost all the fatwas regarding obedience to the parents.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

We would like to thank you for visiting our website and for your efforts to benefit from it. We ask Allah to grant you that benefit and reward you generously for your concern regarding your dutifulness towards your mother. You should spare no effort in showing kindness and dutifulness towards her. We ask Allah to help us and you to obey Him and to remember, thank, and worship Him as due. Verily, Allah, The Exalted, is All-Generous.

We have previously cited the statements of the scholars on the limits of obedience to parents in fatwas 84942 and 131695. In brief, it is an obligation to obey them in matters that are beneficial for them and which involve no harm to their son.

As for what the son wears, he is not obliged to obey his parents in this regard, as this most likely causes difficulty and inconvenience to the son. In this case, the son should try to convince his parent and seek the help of those to whom the parent may listen. If he wears what he wishes without his parent seeing him, then there is no harm in doing that, and he would be combining the two benefits.

If it is feared that wearing certain clothes, which the parent prevents him from wearing, would result in real harm, then the son is obliged to obey his parent and it is impermissible to go against their command, even without their knowledge, as long as the harm is expected. The criterion in this regard is whether real harm could occur or not.

Allah knows best.