Assalaamu alaykum Shaikh. I have read one of your recent fatwas about men doing household work. I am little bit surpised and shocked that if the husband gives water to his wife for washing her hands it is shameful for him! Can you explain please? If the wife is sick and the husband takes care of her by himself, is it also considered serving the wife that is shameful! It is mentioned in fatwa no. 341413. I am feeling insecure after reading the last paragraph of this fatwa. If you would kindly clarify. Al-Iraaqi said in Tarh At-Tathreeb, “Al-Qaffal and others said that a husband may do some duties of which he does not feel ashamed, such as washing clothes, fetching water (bringing it from the well), sweeping the house, and cooking, without doing matters that are considered as serving her (his wife), such as pouring water for her to wash her hands or carrying water to the one taking a bath.” I am Eastern, and in Eastern communities, many women are tortured, which is a serious issue. Some in-laws dismiss the servant although they can afford her, so all of the household work rests on the shoulders of the poor wife. Physical and mental torture towards the wife is common in our country. Many husbands treat their wives like servants. I fear that if men consider cooking, washing, cleaning, taking care of their sick wife by themselves, and doing things for their wife with care and love as offensive and that the wife should serve him and think that he is like a king, he will not do anything and the wife will do all the work like a servant, although it is beyond her capacity, and then this will have severe negative effects on the wife's wellbeing, which is alarming.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The matter is easier than to make you shocked or worried.

If you had carefully read what we mentioned at the end of the fatwa, then the matter would have been clear to you. The examples that were mentioned are related to the customs that were common at that time, and these customs vary from time to time, from place to place, and from situation to situation.

The teachings of Islam are very clear about the commandment in regard to having good marital relations with the wife; Allah says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]

Also, it is forbidden to abuse them or harm them, and Islam threatened the husbands who transgress against their wives; Allah says (what means): {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.} [Quran 4:34]

Ibn Katheer said, “The saying of Allah {Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand} is a warning to men, meaning that if they transgress against women without justification, then Allah, The Exalted and Grand, is their (women's) Protector, and He will exact revenge on those who transgress against women and deal with them unjustly.” 

Indeed, we have already clarified in the fatwa which you referred to how the Prophet used to serve his wives. The person who helps his wife in her household chores is the generous one who has a good character, whereas the one who refuses to help her is the wicked one who has a bad character.

Finally, it should be noted that it is better for a Muslim to ask about matters that lead to doing good deeds and not preoccupy himself with questions about misconceptions, which are endless. The bad actions of the people are endless, and the teachings of Islam regarding the good treatment of the wife and the like remain clear, and its followers are judged according to their actions.

It is not Islam that is accused if its followers violate its teachings, but the Muslim fulfills his duty of advising his fellow Muslim so that the latter follows the truth, because religion is sincere advice.

For more benefit, please refer to fatwas 353038 and 127523.

Allah knows best.