1) What should one do when there is a conflict between the heart and the mind? Should I listen to the heart or the mind?2) Should I marry on my own will or my parents? I love someone and like her very much for the past 6 years and I waited for her alone. Though she is permitted to be married by Islamic law, my parents won't allow me. If I don't get her I know I cannot be happy with anyone and my faith is facing turbulent time and it is becoming weaker because of this conflict. For the last 6 years I only dreamt of marrying her and I also promised her? If I break the promise I will be a hypocrite according to our Prophet. Please help me in this regard and pray to Allah for me. It seems He is angry with me and is not listening to my prayers. Please answer quickly as it is a matter of faith and unfaith.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

It is your own right to choose a girl you want to marry and with whom you can live a happy marital life. In spite of this, there is no harm in consulting your parents, accepting their advice, respecting them, and being obedient and dutiful to them. No doubt, they have great experience of life and always yearn for the benefit of their children.

More likely, emotions might overwhelm a young man in this stage of life or he might run after beauty or wealth and then he chooses a girl of ill-character who does not follow the Sharee’ah.

If your choice is contrary to the choice of your parents, then spare no efforts to discuss the matter with them in a soft and gentle manner in order to make them aware of your viewpoint. This talk results in understanding each other's view. It is very possible that you may agree to their viewpoint and then you may act according to it. If we suppose that they do not have any sound reason for the refusal of the girl you want to marry, then you may kindly explain to them your position and try to convince them of your viewpoint. You may seek the help of your other family members to convince your parents that you are not able to leave this girl and that you will not have a happy life if you marry another one.

Anyway, you should try your best to please your parents and to be dutiful to them. Marrying a girl without their approval has many bad consequences for you, your wife and your future children as well.

On the other hand, a person should not make the issue of marrying a particular girl so serious that it becomes a matter of life or death, or a matter of Faith or disbelief. It is also not true to believe that one's life would not be happy except with a particular woman.

A Muslim should be very ambitious in this life and should have higher and more serious objectives and goals, and not just be blindly attached to a certain girl regardless of who or how she is. It is very possible that a person could witness her death, or she could change her mind and go with another man, or he may later find something in her that he could not bear…etc.

Therefore, it is better to opt for logic and reason rather than opting for the heart and emotions. Thus, one should look for a religious girl who is known to have a good character. Since beauty and wealth will come to an end contrary to chastity and piety which last forever.

On the other hand, we advise you not to undertake any action till you perform Istikhaarah prayer. For more benefit on how to perform the Istikhaarah, please refer to Fatwa 81434.

Finally, we would like to warn you against having any kind of relations with any woman before establishing a legal marriage contract with her, without which relations are illegal and not permissible in Islamic Sharee’ah. So showing love, or having affectionate talks, or even giving a promise of marriage are all forbidden except in marriage. In fact, the Muslim man should follow strictly the Sharee’ah rulings concerning proposing to a woman for marriage and getting married.

Allah Knows best.