The mother deserves more than anything you do to her Fatwa No: 86592
- Fatwa Date:24-12-2003
I am a 17-year-old girl and I'm still living with my parents. My mother and I do not have a good relationship with each other and I am not happy with my life at all, I feel that she only wants me around to do house chores, I can never talk to her about anything most girls talk to their mothers about because she is very 'old fashioned.' Is it wrong for me to be feeling this way about my mother?
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions. The right of the mother is great. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) replied to the one who asked him about "the person more deserving of his good company": Your mother, the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said. The questioner said: 'Then who?' The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) replied, Your mother. The person said: 'then who?' The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) replied: Your mother. the person said: 'then who?' The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said, Your father. Now the fact that your mother does not talk to you about your affairs or does not give you the chance to talk about them does not justify your becoming angry with her. Just imagine how great the good she does to you and to her children. If you think about this calmly and justly you will find out that what you are complaining about is nothing compared to all the good she does to you. You will also find out that you are wrong in your feelings towards her. So, we advise you to deal kindly with her and obey her in what she orders. We remind you of the Hadith in which the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said to Jahima Al Salami when he came to him seeking permission to go in Jihad. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said to him: Is your mother alive? Jahima replied positively. Thereupon the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: Stick to her (stay with her). Indeed, Paradise is under her feet. [ Al Nasa'e ] On the other hand, there is no objection to your speaking to her kindly and with soft voice choosing an appropriate moment for that. You could then expose your problems to her and talk about the things that bother you. We are certain that you will find her very welcoming and she will show great satisfaction in responding to you. But this will require that you do more acts of obedience than usual and show more willingness to abide by her orders and (Allah willing) you will get what you like. You can get more on this subject when searching in our Fatwa section. Allah knows best.