what should i do with my muslim husband who usually call our children dog,donkey etc. in arabic whenever they commit mistakes?our childrenwhos aged 5 yrs,4and 2 are slapped, and insulted even when we are outside,he is just so hot tempered. whats the ruling of this. am a convertedmuslim, and trying to live islamically. my iman is weakening. shall i leave or separated with him just to protect our children?he dont pray, hes addicted to smoking, past times, not attending jumaa prayer etc, sharp tongue..what i could do????please help,i really feel stressed. he always yell, and tell me that its not long when i became a muslim and i know more than him in islam? i felt like I hate this hypocrisy that while its normal for him to say salam to others, yet there is bad behaviour being shown within the family. in the sight of others good, but for us there are times we never feel the respect to one another. am not a nagging wife, am trying to find a way not to upset because i will always reap bad words from him. so many times i already feel scared to open anything. i just like to keep it within me. nobody knows except you, and Allah.it makes my heart heavy.but my husband has his good side, he is such a very good provider. yet i want to see more in the spiritual side of him. i am just wondering how our life will be successful when we are not anymore working toward the same goal raising our children islamically. i cant do this alone.he always tell me if one is going to hellfire, shall i go also? to him is his deeds and mine is mine. this should not be the case right? i love islam, and muich willing to sacrifice everything just to be a good muslim.is it also good for him to teach our son to use violent computer games at the age of four, he said nothing is wrong with that. he dont like to see our daughter dance, but he always watching musical program in the TV.Please help, i need counselling.. Thanks, Masalama!!!

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

First of all, we congratulate you for embracing Islam, and we thank you for sacrificing for the sake of your religion, and for being keen on following the straight path and wanting to raise your children righteously. Indeed, the goal of every Muslim should be living for the sake of the religion, fulfilling the requirements of worshiping Allaah alone, and preserving firmly because the life’s journey is long.

Concerning the problem of your husband, our answer is summarized in the following:

1-     Without a doubt, your husband’s abandonment for prayer is one of the major sins, and many scholars considered it as an act which takes a person out of the fold of Islam or an act of disbelief, as the Prophet said: "The pact between us and them (the non-Muslims) is the prayer, so whoever abandons it (after embracing Islam) is a disbeliever." [At-Tirmithi and An-Nasaa'ee] Therefore, the matter is very serious, and you should be keen in advising your husband and reminding him of Allaah and His severe Punishment. In doing so, you may seek the help of those of his relatives and friends who have influence on him. If he takes heed and becomes steadfast on performing the prayer, then this is what is required. However, if he persists in abandoning the prayer, and you know that he will continue to be stubborn, and you lose hope in his repentance, then you may seek divorce as there is no good for you in staying with a husband who does not recognize Allaah's rights. For more benefit on how to deal with a husband who does not perform the prayer, please refer to Fataawa 88016 and 88932.

2-     It is forbidden in Islam to insult the children and call them bad names, Allaah Says (what means): {…and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one’s] faith. And whoever does not repent — then it is those who are the wrongdoers.}[Quran 49:11]. Moreover, it is confirmed that the Prophet said: "A believer is neither a slanderer nor a curser, nor is he obscene or vulgar." [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi] In addition, from an educational point of view, cursing, calling each other bad names and exceeding the limits in slapping and hitting the children, are all extremely bad actions that drive a child to become stubborn and rebellions, and will imitate his father in insulting. Therefore, this husband should fear Allaah concerning the manner he is raising his children. He should also remember that he will be questioned by Allaah about all his actions. The Prophet said: "All of you are guardians and all of you will be questioned about those under your guardianship…and a husband is a guardian in his family [wife and children] and he will be questioned about his guardianship." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

3-     Smoking is forbidden in principle as clarified in Fatwa 81589. It is even more forbidden in front of the children as this causes them harm from both educational and health wise stand points.

4-    Insulting one’s wife, raising his voice at her and humiliating her are in violation of the commands of Allaah in treating one's wife honourably. Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19]. In addition, it is confirmed that the Prophet said: "The best among you are the best (when dealing) with their wives, and I am the best with my wives." [At-Tirmithi] He also said about husbands like yours: "… these husbands are not the best among yourselves." [Ibn Maajah] Hence, this husband should fear Allaah, and he should know that he will stand before Allaah; naked and barefooted on a day the duration of which is equivalent to is 50,000 years long. Only then will he know the seriousness and the true consequences of his evil actions. That Day is the Day on which Allaah will punish the evil doers according to the magnitude of their evil actions, and He will reward the good doers according to the magnitude of their good actions.

Finally, we advise you to do your best in reminding your husband, using all permissible means in the best manner.  Furthermore, you should seek the help of righteous people in doing so, and make use of beneficial books and tapes. However, if he persists on insulting you, humiliating you, and beating his children; and if he persists on his bad behaviour, and bad marital relationship, then you are permitted to seek divorce and you have the right to children’s custody.

To conclude, please refer to Fatwa 89274 which is on computer games, and Fatwa 81545 on the ruling of music.

We ask Allaah to enable you to do whatever He likes and He is pleased with.