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Fatwa CenterHer husband abuses her emotionally
Question
Assalamu -aliakum .iam a very emotional person .MY husband at times emotionally abuse me shouts at me of no particular reason .like if i say no for sex that is very rare he gets angry and if i talk to him about the problems iam having with him He makes fun of them later on or might angry and shouts at me after this he doesnt want me to cry and be nice with him as soon as soon as possible im a bit aggressive in nature i cant forgive him instantly it takes me some time to get back at him but he wants instant and if i dont he emotionally abuses me im so confused...........what is right and what is not
p.s one reason im not sexually in it because i was many times physically abused as a child by my Qari who used to teach me Quran and my mothers brother and no one in my family knew it i cant evn discuss it with my husband because he would keep on tauting me for that reason i cant tell him .....
please help me im so confused
what to do i cant fulfill my husbands sexual needs should i take a divorce
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we begin by talking about your husband; if the situation is truly as you mentioned that he abuses you emotionally, and he mocks at you sometimes and shouts at you, then this contradicts the order of Allaah to the husband to treat his wife kindly and be nice to her; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88304.
Therefore, we advise your husband to fear Allaah, and he should know that being a protector over his wife and her provider does not mean to be unjust to her and treat her wrongly. Moreover, he is obliged to do one of the two following matters: he should either keep you in kindness or divorce you in kindness. This is in regard to your husband.
As far as you are concerned, you are not permitted to refuse to share the bed with your husband except if you have a sound reason; we already clarified this in Fatwa 84944.
However, the sexual harassment that you were subjected to when you were young is not a sound reason for not answering the request of your husband to bed. Moreover, you may overcome this psychological problem, first by seeking the help of Allaah and supplicating Him because He is the One Who makes a way out to difficulties and hardship, then you may observe the mention of Allaah, perform Ruqyah and the like; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88705.
Besides, you are not permitted to inform your husband or anyone else about the sexual harassment that you experienced unless it is a female trustworthy and honest psychologist doctor who conceals your secret and who is experienced in treating the effects that result from such a harassment.
As regards being aggressive, then Allaah may repel this from you, so you should supplicate Him. In addition to this, good manners can be acquired, so if you try to be patient then this will become your nature. It is confirmed that the Prophet said: “Patience is gained by trying to be patient.” [At-Tabaraani]
In any case, being aggressive should not be a reason for raising your voice on your husband because this is a kind of disobedience to him and to Allaah. Being tolerant and forgiving others’ mistakes is something religiously required among Muslims; this is even more confirmed between the spouses because of the strong covenant that is between them.
For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 84351.
Allaah Knows best.
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