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Her husband did not tell her that he has another wife

Question

I am an Algerian female,an engineer, I have been married for 4 years, we were happy, I have two daughters 3 yrs and 8 Mths old .
since I got pregnant with the second girl I noticed that my husband changed ,our sexual life did not exist during my pregnancy and even after my delivery, when I tried to talk with him every time he says I am busy, I am tired, so I believed him but when he started spending nights out of his home for 3 days a week ,I started having doubts on him, I started my investigations, and I found on his cell phone a lot of calls and messages sent to a girl from his cell phone, when I asked him he denied, , I did not believe him, I finished my investigation and I found in his bag an electricity bill and a key of an apartment, so he was cheating me, I continued my investigation until last month I found in his cell phone some kids photos and another photo was a girl with a sexy cloth, I became so upset and I called my brothers , we went to the adress of apartment I found in his bag, and the big choc is that my husband were there because his car was parked down, they did not want to open the door.
after few hours he called some of his friend and threw the car keys from the balcony and asked them to take the car from the parking to don't leave any prove for what he did.
we went to see his parents with my family they said that they do not know any thing, and my husband was a shame , he did not want to meet with my brothers and explain what happend.
I decided to take the step of justice , ,he called me and he choked me about a bad news that he is married with another woman before me., he lied to me since we got married. he was a liar , he has 3 daughters with the first woman .
Please help me.
Djazakum Allah khairan

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we advise you to take it easy and seek the Help of Allaah and be patient. Supplicating Allaah and being patient are among the means for a believing man and a believing woman in facing the difficulties of life. Allaah Says (what means): {Said Moses to his people, “Seek help through Allaah and be patient.}[Quran 7:128] For more benefit on the excellence of being patient, please refer to Fatwa 83577, and to Fatwa 85974 on the etiquettes of Du’a (supplication).

In addition to this, anxiety does not bring anything beneficial nor prevent anything harmful, but it just prevents the person from benefitting himself in his religious and worldly matters.

With regard to what you mentioned, that your husband stopped having sexual intercourse with you when you were pregnant and after giving birth to the child, then if he did so without a sound reason, then he is wrong. The jurists  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them stated that it is not permissible for the husband to refrain from having sexual intercourse with his wife for a period that would cause harm to her, and they also stated that it is not permissible for him to refrain from having sexual intercourse with her to enhance his ability to have sexual intercourse with his other wife.

As regards him marrying a second wife, then you undoubtedly know that he is religiously permitted to do so provided that he is just between his two wives in regard to spending on them and staying overnight with them. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 95416 and 90132.

Besides, he should have informed you that he is married with a second wife, but he is not religiously obliged to do so, as Allaah only conditioned the one who marries more than one wife to be just between his wives. Therefore, we cannot condition what Allaah and His Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) did not condition. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85948 and 86395.

Hence, we advise you to discuss with your husband the matter of having good marital relationship with you and your right on him for having sexual intercourse with you, in the light of what we mentioned. If he does what is required from him, then praise be to Allaah, and if he continues to refuse to have sexual intercourse with you and you are harmed by this, then you have the right to ask for divorce due to the harm. However, you should not hasten to ask for divorce until you balance between asking for divorce and staying with him especially that you have children together and those children need good nurturing. Indeed, the separation of the parents has bad consequences on the children in general.

Allaah Knows best.

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