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Affection and Compassion Between Spouses

Question

Does a wife always have to reconcile with her husband if he's displeased with her no matter how trivial his displeasure is? If they had a little fight and wife has mood swings and she doesn't talk to him, will she be cursed and her prayers won't be accepted? And if a wife does a little mistake she is cursed. And if a husband abuses her, will he not be cursed? What Islam says about an abusive husband?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First, we say that both spouses are required to fairly, kindly and affectionally treat each other, as Allah the Almighty says (what means): {And due to them [i.e., the wives] is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable} [Quran 2:28). This is why husbands were warned not to wrong their wives, as Allah the Almighty said: {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand} [Quran 4:34]. Al-Qurtubi  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said in Al-Jami’ li Ahkam Al-Quran: “If you have power over them, then remember the power of Allah over everything. Therefore, no one should treat his wife condescendingly, for Allah observes you. By the way, we have not found any evidence that the husband will be cursed if he abuses his wife, but this does not mean that it is permissible for him to abuse her, rather it is prohibited for him to do so because abusing believers, in general, is prohibited, and abusing the wife is worse for a greater reason. Allah the Almighty said: {And those who harm believing men and believing women for [something] other than what they have earned [i.e., deserved] have certainly born upon themselves a slander and manifest sin} [Quran 33:58]. Indeed, abusing the wife is not a trait of righteous people. The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Many women went round Allah’s Messenger’s family complaining of their husbands, Those (husbands) are not the “best among you.” [Abu Dawood]. The Messenger of Allah  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) also said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats his slave and then he may embrace (sleep with) her at night?” [Musnad of Ahmad]

It is not mandatory for a wife to take the initiative to apologize to her husband and reconcile with him for the least trivial reason. As long as she did not fail to fulfill his rights, then she does not have to apologize to him. However, if she takes the initiative to do so voluntarily, she will have a great reward.

An-Nasaa'i  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him reported in As-Sunan Al-Kubraa from Ibn Abbas  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that he said: The Messenger of Allah  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “Shall I tell you about your women of the people of Paradise? The affectionate, the fertile woman, the one who is repentant and cares for her husband, who, if she harmed or was harmed, comes until she takes her husband’s hand, then says: By Allah, I do not taste sleep until you feel satisfied.” This is a virtue for her, but not an obligatory matter.

Refraining from only talking with her husband, there is no blame on her for it if it was not a means of abandoning him, and she would not fall under the threat in the hadith that indicates that her prayer shall not be accepted. As for the curse, it is for the woman who was invited by her husband to bed, but she refused without an excuse.

We emphasize what we mentioned at the beginning that both spouses should gently and kindly treat each other, respect each other, fulfill the obligations of the other, and overlook each other's mistakes. This preserves the stability of the family and helps the love and affection to sustain.

Allah knows best.

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