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Fatwa CenterRuling on a husband expressing his sexual disinterest in his wife
Question
What is the Islamic ruling on a husband who tells his wife: "If I ever sexually desired one of my daughters, I would feel the same about you."? Does this case bear the same Islamic ruling of those who pronounce Thihaar to separate from their wives?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
The apparent meaning is that those words indicate the husband’s sexual disinterest in his wife just as he, naturally, does not sexually desire his own daughter. In fact, explicit indication of one’s disinterest in something does not indicate or imply the prohibition of it. Accordingly, such phrase does not entail a Sharee‘ah rule of the unlawfulness of the wife, Thihaar or divorce, unless the husband intended any of them; then what he intended would take effect. Maaliki, Shaafi‘i and Hanbali jurists stated that if a man says to his wife: ‘I do not need you,’ it is regarded as an implicit divorce that only becomes effective according to the husband’s intention. We have not seen a text by the jurists regarding the phrase: “I do not desire you.”
Imaam Abu Haneefah 
held that even if the husband told his wife: “I do not desire you,” intending to divorce her, such divorce is not effective. Al-Kaasaani, the Hanafi scholar elaborated:
If the husband told his wife: “I do not need you,” then such divorce is not effective, even if he intended his phrase to be a divorce; because not needing her does not indicate a lack of wedlock. In fact, one may marry a wife whom he does not need, and this does not mean the absence of marriage; thus, it is not potentially considered a divorce.
Allaah Knows best.
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