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Fatwa CenterHer husband is too much interested in his son from a previous marriage
Question
Am I treated this way? Or is it just my imagination? I don't know where to start! I feel angry and neglected! My husband has a 6 year old son turning seven from his ex- wife. My husband's attention is most of the time devoted to his son or his work. He always talks about how we should show each other how much we love each other by the aamal not by just mere words... His aamal you can see that it is focused on his son... We've been a month and a half married and I love him very much! In the last month and a half we have been married he bought him a $200 toy which his son doesn't appreciate playing with and a new computer (he said his son needed to do some homework on it! note: his son is only in first grade) that's apart of the new clothes he gets him the new x box games and movies... His son does not show any respect to me what so ever! I try as much as I can to be nice and kind to his son I get him presents and do whatever he likes if he wants something I give it to him... When we were engaged I told him that part of my character was that I am the jealously type of women and I asked him if he could cope with that... He naturally agreed that he could cope with it. As we were both married and divorced we appreciated each other and we agreed that both try to keep each other happy... I tried to talk to my husband about our situation but he seemed not to care and instead he thinks just because I'm not his son's mother I will treat him badly- he doesn't really say it he expresses it in other ways. With me he promised me that as soon as I get back from Hajj he will put the furniture in my name which is my Mahr and with the rest of the left over Mahr money he will get me gold to make up the difference and up until now a month and a half he hasn't said anything or done anything yet! I am a very patient person but when I see that he is getting his son and forgetting about me I begin to think and then I begin to get depressed... He also promised me he will get me gold earrings and still there is nothing he promises me before he promises his son anything and he gets his son first and seems to forget about me... When I tell him about it he gets frustrated and thinks I'm not patient... I feel left out! I tell him that and he gets angry! I have been through a lot in the past 3 years and I'm scared of what the future would turn out to be! I don't want to tell my parents or any of my family members so my husband's good image won't be tainted in front of them because he is really a nice person. Please tell me what to do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, you should take it easy and not burden yourself with something that you could not bear so that this will not cause you any psychological negative effects or that things will be uncontrollable and lead to divorce or to other unpleasant consequences. So, you should be wise in dealing with this matter with your husband.
There is no doubt that the husband is obliged to fulfil the rights of his wife like treating her honourably, and so forth, and he is not allowed to be negligent in any of this at all without a sound religious reason. Thus, the wife is permitted to ask her husband to fulfil her rights. So this is what you should look into and deal with, but you should not concern yourself with the way your husband treats his son, as you are not allowed to demand a certain method in this regard, and this will not benefit you in any way. The only thing this will do is just cause you more sorrow and grief but no benefit.
Hence, you should be patient with your husband and discuss with him the matters which you mentioned in a good manner and in a soft way. Besides, you should invoke Allaah earnestly to rectify your affairs and seek the help of pious and righteous people whenever needed.
Finally, it should be noted that your husband is obliged to give you the immediate and delayed dowry which is now due. If a time limit is not determined for the delayed dowry, then you are permitted to ask him to give it to you but if the he is poor and cannot afford it now, you should give him a time period until it becomes easy for him to repay.
Allaah Knows best.
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