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Fatwa CenterDepressed and needs to show affection to her children
Question
dear brother
i am suffering from depression and would like some help please. i have had it for 7 years now and feel very guilty as my eldest was then 6 years old and now she is nearly masha Allah 13.
i have been a nagging picky mother especially to her, which has lead her to be a bit upseet with me. i was grumpy, you name it everything.asthaghfurAllah! i ask for Allahs forgiveness. i want to get better i want to enjoy my time with my masha Allah 5 children . the youngest is 2. i have support from my other half but my concern is my children and how i should spend time with them. dear brother i am looking for ways to encourage to make them love their deen without feeling always being nitpicked by their mother. i am finding it hard to strike a balance.please give me some ideas and how shall i show affection to my nearly 13 year old,i don't know how to. jakAllah khair.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
First of all, we implore Allaah The Almighty to facilitate your affairs, make a way out for you of your difficulties and help you show love to your children and bring them up on the creed and morals of Islam. You should know that these things can be achieved perfectly by resorting to Allaah The Almighty, imploring and supplicating Him. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And your Lord Says, "Call upon Me; I Will Respond to you."} [Quran 40:60] It was narrated on the authority of Anas 
that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Let any of you ask Allaah to fulfill all his needs even his shoelace when it is cut." [Abu Ya‘la and Ibn Hibbaan]
As for the depression you suffer from, we advise you to remember Allaah The Almighty and make the Hereafter your first and foremost concern. This will help in comforting your heart and unite your dispersed affairs. It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas‘ood that he heard the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saying: "Whoever made all his concerns about the Hereafter, Allaah would spare him his concerns about the worldly life; and whoever had various concerns about the worldly affairs, Allaah Would not care in which of His vallies he meets his doom." [Ibn Maajah and others]
Therefore, you should perform Ruqyah on yourself and utilize every possible means which would remove your depression. You may consult a specialized doctor if you wish. For further benefit see Fatwa 88705.
With regard to your children, you should try hard to react to their behavior with calmness, because reacting to their behavior all the time with anger and nervousness brings about bad psychological effects on them. So, we advise you to be patient with them and exert effort to smile at them, especially the eldest daughter. Showing them love may be achieved through such a smile or by giving them gifts. Also, going on outings with children greatly strengthens the relationship between them and their parents, such as making visits to righteous families or going to parks which do not involve Sharee‘ah violations such as free intermixing between the sexes or the like. There should be cooperation between you and your husband in these matters. For further benefit about the means which help in bringing up children, see Fataawa 87009, 86237 and 17752.
Allaah Knows best.
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