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Fatwa CenterHer two sons quarrel with their father so often
Question
im afraid to loose my family because my 2 sons always argue with their father and our life now became as hell,everyday they argue and our sons now feel that their father is so mean and they feel that their dad doesnt love them but only want to oblige them to do what he wants in fact my husband loves them so much but he doesnt know how to express this to them and he is a nurvous man so now he is not friendly to them so this makes our life as hell and im afraid in future my sons will leave the house so please i need your help to advice me what to do.maybe i didnt express all the problems we go through so please if you want to ask me any question just send to me a mail.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to make a way out for you from your anxiety and sorrow and rectify your matters and make your family live in peace and happiness.
Among the most important matters that we advise you and your husband to do is to supplicate for these two sons. Supplication is the best weapon of a Muslim and the supplication of the parents to their children is answered. Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that the Prophet said: “There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered (by Allaah): The supplication of a victim of injustice, the supplication of a traveler, and the supplication of a parent for his/her children." [Ibn Maajah]
You did not mention to us the age of these two children, but it seems that they are adult or nearly so. If this is the case, then at this age they need special treatment, which is the treatment of a friend to his friend, and it is said that one should make his child free for playing for seven years, discipline him for (the next) seven years, and make friends with him for (the next) seven years.
As regards being nervous with children and treating them in a harsh manner, rebuking them and giving them commands, then this kind of policy corrupts in general more than it rectifies. Your husband should rather take the Prophet as his best example; Anas said: “I served the Prophet for a period of ten years, and I swear by Allaah, he never said Uff (a word denoting impatience) to me, and he never blamed me by saying, "Why did you do such and such or why did you not do such and such?”
Hence, if your husband cannot express his love to them in words, then he should show this to them in his behavior, so he should be kind in dealing with them, and he may take them out for a trip to a place where they could play and relax. Indeed, going out of the house or travelling and the like, is a way of strengthening the relations between the members of the family. In addition to this, both of you should endeavor to find some righteous and pious young people and ask them to befriend and keep company with your sons because a friend affects his friend positively and negatively.
Abu Moosa narrated that the Prophet said: "The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or you get a bad nasty smell thereof." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Also, among the best ways of rectifying the children, is to raise them on a base of ‘Eemaan (faith) by linking them to the principles of ‘Eemaan as soon as they become discerning, and by making them acquainted with the pillars of Islam, and also to raise them on a base of morals by teaching them the principles of moral conduct, among which is the matter of keeping ties with the parents and the seriousness of severing ties with them; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 82254, 84942, and 85042.
Indeed, you may instill these morals in them gradually by telling them real stories from the biography of our Prophet and from the Islamic history as our Salaf [the righteous predecessors from among the Companions and the generations that came rightly after them] have given us best examples in this field.
Also, there is physical education by raising the children on a base of strength, fitness, good health and physical activity. Furthermore, the mental education and science education can be achieved by forming the mentality of the child and cultivating him with every beneficial Islamic knowledge and useful contemporary culture.
In conclusion, both you and your husband should preoccupy the free time of your sons with every beneficial matter in this worldly life and the Hereafter. Of course, being wise in this regard is the best thing that will help you overcome this problem, and it might be that you - as a mother - are required to play a bigger role in this regard by reconciling between your husband and your two sons.
Allaah Knows best.
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