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Fatwa CenterHer husband refrains from having intercourse with her for no valid reason
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. I am married to my cousin. After three miscarriages and one daughter, he stopped sleeping with me. He said that I am like his sister because we are genetically the same and that that is why I have miscarriages. He does not have any sisters. He always argues with me. What should I do? We have been married for ten years. He even does not allow me to touch him. What does Islam say about such a man? I pray five times daily.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The causes and treatment of what you have mentioned - having repeated miscarriages - can be known by consulting competent and specialized doctors.
As regards your husband refraining from having sexual intercourse with you without a sound, valid reason but just due to having had repeated miscarriages, then this is an injustice on his part to you, and it is a transgression of your rights. The most preponderant view that we adopt is that the husband should keep his wife chaste [i.e. he should have sexual intercourse with her] according to his ability and her needs, as we have already clarified in fatwa 195895.
On the other hand, if your husband, by saying, “you are like my sister,” intended to make you forbidden for him, then this is a case of thihaar. [Thihaar means that a husband says to his wife, 'You are as the back of my mother for me.', i.e. to have sexual relations with you would be like having sexual relations with my mother.]; therefore, if he has sexual intercourse with you again, then he has to expiate for thihaar. The expiation for thihaar is mentioned in the Quran. Allaah says (what means): {And those who pronounce thihar from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said - then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby; and Allaah is Acquainted with what you do. And he who does not find [a slave] - then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable - then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allaah and His Messenger; and those are the limits [set by] Allaah. And for the disbelievers is a painful punishment.} [Quran 58:3-4]
At any rate, you should come to terms with your husband and remind him that he must have good marital relations with you. Then, if he does not take heed and persists in deserting you in bed, you may ask him to separate from you by divorce or khul’.
For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 131953.
Allaah knows best.
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