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Fatwa CenterFather entitled to refuse ineligible suitor of daughter
Question
We are living in the United States. My wife and I are Muslims. A man came and asked me to marry my daughter. I refused and told him that my reasons are the age difference, which is over twenty years, as well as other issues regarding his family; the relationships with his mother and her other daughter-in-law. My daughter was born on February 27, 1995, and he was born in October of 1974. I also had reservations about his previous experience in marriage and his character; specifically, he had lied to me on several occasions before. I explained to him and my daughter that I am her father and that I am her guardian in Islam. My daughter wants to marry him; I also explained the reason for my refusal to my daughter. When I went out of the country and during my stay there, my daughter got engaged without my knowledge. My daughter and my wife did not inform me about the engagement. I want to know what the Islamic Sharia says about my actions, those of my daughter, and my rights in Islam.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Your daughter should not have disobeyed you and accept the proposal of this man despite the fact that you told her that he had lied to you several times. This actually disqualifies him and makes him an unsuitable suitor whose religiosity and manners are not acceptable. The Islamic Sharia encourages accepting the proposal of the pious and well-mannered suitor. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "When someone whose religiosity and character you are pleased with proposes to marry the women under your guardianship, then accept his proposal. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and an abounding discord." [At-Tirmithi and others]
You have the right to refuse the marriage proposal of this man, especially given that in addition to the defect of lying there is a big age difference between them and you have reservations about the relationship with his family, his previous marriage, and his character.
Allah knows best.
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