Shunning disobedient brother
Fatwa No: 347560

  • Fatwa Date:5-3-2017 - Jumaadaa Al-Aakhir 7, 1438
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Assalaamu alaykum. My brother is barely 20 years old. we had an awesome Islamic upbringing from our childhood. Despite that, after returning to our country, where a non-Islamic culture is prevalent, he got caught up, and his major fall was getting involved with girls. After lots of consultation with him, when we thought he had understood us, he just got married with a girl and left us. My father is about 70 years old old and is an electrician working with his heart and soul till now to earn a living. As our family only has one son, my father was trying his best to educate my brother so that he would not have to do such toils at last. Now he has left us for good without even thinking about my father once, nor about my one sister, who will have to face the bad consequences of his deeds at the time of her marriage. We are facing very disturbing things already because of his getting married at this early age and leaving the family and so on. He hates my father but is nevertheless eager to eat from his hardworked income while never listening to any of his advice. One of his major problems with the family was that as we have memorized the Quran, we put stress on keeping up revising it, which was a totally disgusting idea for him. He hates my husband, as he approached him to advise him as a big brother. What should we do now? Islamically, what we are supposed to do? Is it Islamically detestable to not to let him join our family any more?


All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

We have already highlighted some guidelines for dealing with a troublesome son, such as supplicating for him, being patient with him, and advising him in a gentle manner, in fatwa 314425. So it is important that you refer to that fatwa.

It is permissible to desert such a person if he does not regain his senses, but the interest should be considered in deserting him. If it is predominantly thought that deserting him would be beneficial for him, then desert him, but if it is feared that deserting him would make him more stubborn, then it is more appropriate to try to soften his heart while continuing to advise him and supplicate for him. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 18611.

What we said about deserting him is the same that we say in regard to driving him out of the house (for whoever is able to do so with him). But obtaining what is in the best interest is what should be taken into account.

Allah knows best.

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