Please excuse this unorganized post. I am feeling stressed due to having to uphold ties of kinship. I think about this often, almost every day. I was born and raised in a country other than my parents' home country. I have spoken to some of my relatives but I never got close. I don't speak their language well, and they don't contact me. I would like to contact them on the phone so that I clear myself of this duty, but I don't know that which to say. It is strange to say Hello and then say goodbye. They might know that I only contact them because of my religion and I guess that they wouldn't like that. But I wouldn't call them if it was not for religion unless Allaah wills it; I don't have anything to say to them. But We aren't on bad terms. And what about my relatives that I have never met, such as my parents' uncles, aunts, cousins, etc? How will I ever fulfill my obligation of upholding ties with these people? How do I find them? If my parents will not give me their contact information, because they think that it is weird for me to speak with them, then what do I do? If my kinship do not initiate to contact me, is it mandatory for me to learn their language and travel overseas to visit them every so often? They don't seem to be religious, so me visiting them might involve prohibitions. How often do I have to contact my kinship? Please excuse the long question. If you do not wish to answer, then can you please tell me something or give me advice in order for me to feel better? I feel that if there is any sin for which I will have not repented on the Day of Reckoning, then it will be cutting the ties of kinship. I also believe that some of the troubles in my life are due to there being a curse on me because I don't contact kinship often enough.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

There is no doubt regarding the extreme importance of kinship ties, and that Allah, The Exalted, commanded upholding them and prohibited severing them. He Says (what means): {And fear Allah, in Whose name you ask one another [for your rights], and [fear] the wombs…} [Quran 4:1] “Fear the wombs” means: Do not cut off the ties of kinship. Allah also Says (what means): {So, would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] kinship?} [Quran 47:22] In this verse, Allah, The Exalted, coupled severing ties of kinship with causing corruption on earth, and He clarified in the verse that follows it that it is one of the reasons for incurring the Curse of Allah.

By recognizing the importance of the ties of kinship, you have chosen the right path; may Allah reward you greatly. We ask Him to bless you with upholding ties of kinship, make this easy for you, and help you avoid severing them. The Islamic Sharee‘ah urges the Muslims to learn about their kinship relations to be able to maintain ties with them. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: “Learn of your lineage what enables you to uphold your ties of kinship. Indeed, upholding ties of kinship fosters affection among the relatives, increases wealth, and prolongs the lifespan.” [At-Tirmithi]

It may be obligatory on a person to learn about his lineage for Sharee‘ah purposes. Ibn Hajar said about the needed knowledge about one’s lineage: “He should know his kinship relations to identify the non-marriageable relatives to avoid prohibited marriages. He should also know those related to him who would be entitled to inherit from him and the ones towards whom it is incumbent on him to show dutifulness in terms of upholding ties of kinship with them or provide financial maintenance or help.” [End of quote]

Therefore, you should strive to learn about your kinship relations and seek the help of your parents and others who can help you in this regard. As for the manner of upholding the ties of kinship, it is an easy matter. By the Grace of Allah, He did not place restrictions upon us in this regard and rather made it flexible for us. The criterion for upholding ties of kinship is the social customs. An-Nawawi said: “Upholding the ties of kinship means showing kindness towards the relatives in accordance with the situation of both parties; sometimes it is done by means of financial help, service, visiting, greeting, and so on.” [End of quote]

Thus, you come to know that you are not obliged to speak the language of your family members in order to uphold ties of kinship with them, but if you can learn it, then do so. As for the amount of upholding the ties of kinship that clears one of his liability from the obligation in this regard, it is determined by the customs as well.

In conclusion, we advise you to take it easy upon yourself and strive to maintain ties of kinship with your family. Whatever you are able to do, then all praise be to Allah for it, and whatever you are unable to do, then know that Allah does not charge a soul except with what is within its capacity.

Allah Knows best.