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Fatwa CenterDifficult relations with his brother
Question
My brother still hates me and avoids me despite all my attempts to reconcile with him. This happened many times already. He even stares at me with a terrible look. I feel always very uncomfortable with this. He prays, fasts and even goes for religious classes many times, but treats me like an enemy and a bad person. What should I do? Must I try again to be good to him or just leave him to Allah?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
We advise you to be patient and treat your brother with kindness and respect especially if he is older than yourself, hoping that this will make him change his attitude towards you.
You have to know that the reward in keeping good relations with kinship who treat you poorly is greater than the reward in keeping good relations with relatives who are kind and treat you well.
Being kind to the one who does bad to you is one way of getting the help of Allah, and influencing the person whose bad conduct we want to change to give up misbehaving and to act in a good manner.
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! He, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character).}[41:34-35].
Abu Hurairah narrated that a man came to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) and told him, "‘Oh, Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) of Allah, I keep good relations with my relatives and they cut relations with me, I do good to them, and they harm me, I am patient with them and they get furious and angry about me.’ The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and Allah will support you against them as long as you are like that." [Reported by Imam Muslim]
It was reported as well that Uqba Ibn Amir said to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam): 'Inform me about the best actions’. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) replied: “Oh, Uqba, keep good relations with whoever cuts relations with you, and give to those who do not give anything to you, and ignore those who are unjust towards you." [Reported by Ahmad and Arnaut said this is an authentic Hadith]
In another Hadith it was reported that: "The best of Sadaqah (alms) is the one given to a relative who shows enmity towards you." [Reported by Ahmad and Al Hakim and Al Albani said that 'this is an authentic Hadith'].
In addition to the above, you can sit with your brother and try to find out the reasons why he dislikes you and treats you badly. You can also ask someone who can influence him to advise him, or to ask a question in the class (in a religious circle) about how brothers should treat each other.
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