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Fatwa CenterWants to marry but fears her parents disapproval for financial reasons
Question
I am a college student in the U.S.A. Inshaa Allaah, I will graduate in May 2006. I plan to continue my education in a college of pharmacy which should last up to 4 years. I wish to ask the woman whom I'm fond of for her hand in marriage. My problem is that my financial situation will no allow me to do so at this time even though I am positive that she has no objections to the matter. My fear is that her family will refuse me because I'm poor compared to their standards. The thing that I'm sure of is that we both would have to wait till we finish our education in order to afford to marry each other because she also has 5 years till she finishes her education as well. I am Arab and she is from Pakistan but raised in the U.S.
My question is would it be wrong of me to propose to her and ask her to wait for me till I am financially capable of marrying her? Which could take up to 4 years?
Is it alright for two people to be engaged for that long?
If she was to agree would it be within her parents rights to refuse me because it would take me so long? Or should I discuss the matter with her before formally addressing her parents?
My fear is that her father will request a very large sum for his daughters' Mahr and I will shamefully be unable to accept that term.
We haven't done anything wrong according to Islamic law. We have never touched nor have we been alone with each other. I wish to obey Islamic law and solve this problem the right way. Please help me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
We ask Allaah, the Glorified and the Exalted, to pour His blessings upon you for your zeal about adhering to the rulings of Islam and being keen on performing your religious duties.
First of all, we remind you of the prohibition of having any relation with a marriageable woman prior to marriage even if there is a promise of marriage, as we mentioned in our Fataawa: 81356 and 81668.
If the girl is religious and her guardian agrees to marry her off to you, and they agree to wait for you, provided there is no fear of temptation for both of you, then there is no religious impediment in that.
Allaah, the Glorified and the Exalted, knows best.
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