How to Deal with Parents
Fatwa No: 464602

  • Fatwa Date:4-10-2022 - Rabee' Al-Awwal 9, 1444
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Question

My parents are practically at war with me for being a Sunni. I want advice on what to do because I was even forced to shave off my beards recently which sadden me to the core depth of my heart. Note that I just started practising sunnah and I want to practise it to the maximum best of my ability because I know that this is the only way to worship Allah (SWT) correctly. Right now, I'm extremely depressed as I perceived a sign that they don't want me to practise sunnah at all. Since we can't be defiant or rebellious to our parents according to Islamic teachings, I sincerely seek advice that would benefit me, especially for my hereafter

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we thank Allah, the Almighty, for guiding you to follow the Sunnah and abiding by it. As for the harm you receive from your parents in this regard, we advise you on the following:

First: Many parents bear down on their children when they are guided to the straight path, not out of hating religious guidance, but out of ignorance or fear that harm may occur to them, or other reasons. So, the child needs to understand this and treat his parent kindly.

Second: We advise you to adhere to obeying Allah, the Almighty, obeying His Messenger, and not to obey parents in sin. Obedience to parents is obligatory in matters that do not represent disobedience to Allah. So, when both of your parents or one of them orders you to do a sin, such as shaving your beard, do not obey them based on the saying of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ): “There is no submission in matters involving Allah’s disobedience. Submission is obligatory only in what is good.” (Agreed upon) According to a wording reported by Ahmad in Al-Musnad, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to Allah.” If your parents are displeased with this, a day will come when they will be pleased with you. In one Hadith, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, “Whoever seeks Allah’s pleasure by the people’s wrath, Allah will suffice him from the people. And who ever seeks the people’s pleasure by Allah’s wrath, Allah will entrust him to the people.” [Ibn Hibban]

Third: Paying much attention to caring for your parents and being kind to them as they have a due right. The fact that they order you to do a sin does not justify your ungratefulness to them on other matters on which they do not order you in sin. In treating your parent, adopt as a rule the saying of Allah, the Almighty, {…but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me…} [Qur’an 31: 15] Do not obey them when they command disobedience to Allah, but treat them kindly, and follow the Sunnah of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ).

Fourth: Endeavor in seeking knowledge to learn that which is lawful, forbidden, recommended, or disliked, and distinguish what your parents tell you to do. They may order you something that you think is forbidden but it is not. If you are confused whether the things that your parents command you to do are lawful or unlawful, then ask the people of knowledge.

Fifth: Be aware that we now live in the era of alienation of religion, and those who stick to their religion are as if they are holding embers, and the reward for being steadfast in following the path of Allah is very great. In a Hadith, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said, “Ahead of you are days which will require endurance, in which showing endurance will be like grasping live coals. The one who acts rightly during that period will have the reward of fifty men who act as he does.” [Abu Dawood] In an addition to this narration, “A man asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them?’ He  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: The reward of fifty of you.

Allah knows best.

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