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Marital life is not maintained only for love

Question

I have been married for almost 3 years to my wife and it was an arrange marriage. No matter I did I have not been able to love her and give her my love. There is no attraction for me towards her and we have not had sex for over a year now and even at the beginning of our marriage we never enjoyed sex. I am going to lose my mind and as result of this problem I have already lost my business that I worked hard for. As I have been doing a lot of researching about divorce in Islam I have come with the divorce solution. What can you give me advice?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Indeed, love and affection between spouses is the basic element of a happy and blissful marital life. But it does not mean that the marital life can not be continued without it. There are many other factors that motivate survival of a marital life.

Some of these factors are being kind with one's wife or being patient with one's husband, or bearing hardships for the sake of the children, etc.

It is reported that a man came to 'Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him to divorce his wife because he does not love her, 'Umar said to him: "Woe on you! Are the marital houses not maintained except for love and affection? Then where is the sense of care, rights and protections?

It happened in the period of 'Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that a husband enquired his wife whether she hates him? She responded in affirmative. 'Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said to her: "Surely! A wife should lie to her husband since all marital houses are not maintained only for love and affection; despite that people live due to honorable lineage and Islam." (Kanzul-Ummal).

In short, the marital bond should not be subject to inconstant feelings or to wild fancies, or passing desires that are of short-lives and do not last.

Nevertheless, a husband has the right to divorce his wife or accept his wife's demand for divorce against some compensation.

For details read the Fataawa 90306 and 90233.

Allaah Knows best.

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