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Fatwa CenterHer parents are so strict and get angry at her for little reasons
Question
salaam.
i have some problem. i do not understand my parents. most of the time they are angry with me. too little things make them angry. its not only me who says this but also our relatives says that they are very strict .the main reason is ''work''. i cook at home and many times i am unable to cook properly and many times dont wanna cook but i have to, no girl, of my age, i know who cook food, but my parents are worried abt me.i know the methods of stitching and i also stitched but my mom is worried that i have not perfected in it. they say, as the word comes out of their mouth then the work should be done immedieately (no delay at all) and many times i immedieatly forget to do, most of the time i am sick (weakness- they know this) and some times not in mood or lazy to do......many times they say words which no daughter can bear! and i do get rude sometimes when i loose my control..then ask forgiveness of Allah.
sometimes i feel its totally my fault and sometimes i feel its totally their fault beacuse of their strictness my heart is getting harder.
its gonna be 2-3yrs now, i am afraid of the punishment in this world and in the next.i wanna happy life in future world and jannah.
i tried, prayed, repented to Allah SWT many times in masjidul-haram, in tahajud, in ramadan,
but things are not changing ........
what should i do?
pls do not leave this Question unanswered.
JazakAllahukhair.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The right of the parents is great in the Sharee’ah and it is an obligation in Islam to be kind and dutiful to the parents; we have already mentioned the religious texts in this regard in Fataawa 82254, 87019 and 84942. Among being kind and dutiful to the parents, is to serve them and this is one of the great means that lead to Paradise.
If you consider this, you would spare no effort in obeying them, and you would be happy to do so. We hope that you will not forget this matter. Did you forget when they were kind to you when you were a child, and that they were patient in nurturing you while you were weak? Did you forget your mother staying awake by night and becoming tired while she carried you in her womb and breastfed you; and that your father endeavoured to earn his living in order to provide for you? Therefore, you should be patient with them in the same way they were patient with you, and you should be kind and caring for them as they were kind and caring for you when you were a child.
When the parents are advanced in age or are sick, they often get angry quickly. In any case, whatever you mentioned about them being strict and getting angry over little things is not a sound reason for you to be negligent about their right or not obeying them. Their mistreatment is not a sound reason not to be kind and dutiful to them or to mistreat them in any manner, let alone raising your voice over them because this is cutting ties with them, and cutting ties with the parents is one of the grave major sins. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 87856.
However, the parents should avoid anger and they should not overburden you with something that you could not bear. If you have an excuse, then you should apologize to them in a gentle manner and avoid any matter that may provoke them. Besides, you should continue to supplicate for them with an attentive heart while being sure that your supplication will be answered, and you should not give up supplicating for them if the acceptance of the supplication is delayed. Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that the Prophet said: “The supplication of a person is answered as long as he/she does not say 'I supplicated but my supplication was not answered.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Furthermore, you may seek the help of whomever you think may influence your parents so that they may advise them on matters in which they may be wrong in dealing with you.
Finally, we ask Allaah to rectify the affairs of your parents and bless you with obeying them and being kind to them, and make you avoid cutting ties with them. May Allaah save you from the punishment of this world and the Hereafter, and may He admit you to Paradise.
Allaah Knows best.
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