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Fatwa CenterHer husband did not give her the wedding she deserved
Question
salam aleikum sheikh. i have one thing in my heart that im very sad of. me and my husband are from diffrent countries but hamdolillah we are living like practising muslim family. we have been married 3 years and have 2 sons. how ever i feel that because im from other country than him, i have not get right like all the other women who have married in his family have get. and this is something that i now after more and more time start to see. for example his sister and when his male families like his brother and uncles marry, their wifes get to have walimah muslim marriage party for the girls where they get trited like princess with nice dress and they get gifts from husbands family and ring from the husband, me i have get nothing of this. im really sad because of this and its something i cant forget. the ring what i had before i have buy alone. i feel like nobody have respekt for me and that i am less worth than the other women. i feel like i have not get my right in this marriage not only in this thing but in many things. im very unhappy in my marriage. even all my muslim friends they have get all this things from their husbands. i do absolutely everything i can in my marriage but still i dont get anything back, only insulting and screaming in me and its so much and my husband get more and more bad so i dont have any sabr anymore. if i stay with my husband i feel i will become psykologikal sick. i have talk with my husband many times but he dont want to change. if i was from same country like him he would not make all this things to me, and not any woman from his country would axept what i have axept. he is very good dad, but bad husband. i dont want my children to grow up and see my crying everyday and maybe my sons will think its normal to treat women this way and they will treat their wifes like this and its something i dont want them to do. please sheikh give me some advice
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
Undoubtedly, it is the right of the wife upon her husband that he should treat her kindly, in accordance with the statement of Allaah The Almighty (which means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] So, humiliating one's wife contradicts living with her in kindness. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The best among you is the best of you (in his treatment) to his wife.” [At-Tirmithi]
That the husband of the asking sister did not do in her marriage what is customarily done by his countrymen should not be a cause of grief and worry. It is not evidence for his disrespect for her. On the contrary, his choosing her, and giving her preference over all women of his country indicate the opposite of this.
Indeed, the asking sister should have a good example in the wives of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave on marrying some of his wives a wedding banquet with Hays, i.e. a mixture of dates, ghee and dried curd, whereas he gave on his marriage from Zaynab bint Jahsh 
a wedding banquet with bread and meat, and it lasted long until the day rose high. Of course, this does not mean that the one on whose marriage he gave a wedding banquet with dates was less respected. Rather, this difference is due to the difference of conditions and what was available at the time of each wedding. So, you should not blow matters out of proportion, and beware lest those things would ruin your marriage. Instead, give priority to the interest of your children over observation of those formalities, and keep in mind that there are problems between the spouses in almost all families, which you do not see. So, do not think you are unique in this respect. Your husband too should live with you in kindness, and should be sensitive to your feelings.
For further benefit, refer to Fataawa 88304 and 86618 about the wife's right to be treated kindly.
Allaah Knows best.
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