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Fatwa CenterDutifulness to parents does not require that one serves them himself
Question
I am living in Saudi for six years with my wife and kids. After coming to Saudi, in three years, Allhamdolillah, I managed to save & build house in home country as my parents did not have a house but had land only. I registered house in my wife name. My parents are living alone in this house as I dont have brother and sister. I want to serve my parents and make them happy to the max as I regret sometime of not doing that in my youth. I have arranged for them 24 hour driver, cock, new car & other worldly comforts. I have given upper portion on rent and this income goes to my parents to settle all bills & dues. My father’s pension is also available to them. I visit them yearly sometimes even more. Yet, I want them closer to me so I can love & serve them more as they grow older. Whatever I earn in Saudi I am spending and saving for my wife and kids. I have also arranged a maid and driver for my wife in Saudi. My wife is a nice woman, who helped me save to build house by sacrificing worldly benefits. Relationship between my wife & parents has not been well since marriage which also forced me to move in Saudi. Questions i) am I guilty of not serving my parents, who I love very much, by leaving them alone ii) my wife has put a condition that if I arrange a separate house here in Saudi then only I can move my parents in Saudi. I know this is here right but financially this will be challenging & will affect savings for kids (education, marriage etc) & affect family (our + parents) living quality (no driver + maid). iii) Wife also asked that house rental income should be given to here since this is her house. She says that I can send money to my parents from Saudi. I am already giving my wife money for her and other things. What to do in this case? iv) parents or wife, who comes first while serving them. V) wife sometimes becomes abusive towards to parents but I have always accepted her wishes. Whenever I take my parents side, arguments take place. What to do in this case?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
If the situation is as you have described, then you are not sinful, rather, you are dutiful to your parents and doing good towards them. If you want to bring them to live with you so that you may serve them yourself, then this implies even more dutifulness and greater reward, Allaah Willing.
However, your wife has the right to live in a separate accommodation and she is not obliged to accept living with your parents. A separate accommodation means that the wife has a part of the house that suits her, i.e. it should be independent and have its separate facilities. For more benefit, kindly refer to Fatwa 84608.
There is absolutely no doubt that the right of one's parents over him is greater than the right of his wife. For more details, please refer to Fatwa 196597. But this does not mean that he does injustice to his wife or treat her badly to observe the right of his parents. Rather, he should combine between observing dutifulness towards his parents and treating his wife in good terms. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 99471.
Finally, we advise you to keep balance between those rights and to adopt wisdom to achieve justice while observing them. Also, you should know that you are not obligated to bring your parents over as long as you provide them with their needs of spending and service; for you are not obligated to do that to them yourself. If they do not want to join you, then it may be better to leave the situation as it is to avoid the contact of your wife with them, which may cause what you do not hope to happen of such problems and disputes while you are in no need of that.
Allaah Knows best.
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