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Fatwa CenterReconciling differences of one's parents
Question
Dear Shaykh. My mother and father are having a lot of problems. I know that my dad is always looking at women, and I came home once and she told me that my father is cheating on me! I do not know whether this is true. What I know is that my mother is a pure woman that does not deserve such manI caught him many times checking the window in order to see a woman! I am afraid Shaykh, afraid, because her heart is weak and she truly loves him. Unfortunately, he is extremely selfish and maybe does not love her anymore. I am afraid that she might die from a heart attack because of him. Last month, she had a panic attack because of him, and I thought I had lost her. Please, what is the fatwa? How can I help her? She is depressed and miserable, and I wish I could make him love her and make him different for her, but I cannot. May Allaah reward you.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The basic principle is that a Muslim is innocent, so it is not permissible to accuse him of something heinous just by mere suspicion, as Allaah forbade such bad assumptions. Allaah says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.} [Quran 49:12]
Also, a son must not hasten to make judgements about his father, and he must be sure before jumping to conclusions. The same thing applies to a wife with her husband as he has a great right on her.
As for your mother accusing your father of cheating on her, if she has no evidence, then this is a very serious matter, and this may constitute slander regarding his honor, and there is a severe threat regarding this. Please refer to fataawa 85285 and 154087.
The same thing applies to you accusing your father of looking at women; this is a very serious matter, and it may lead to a kind of undutifulness to your father. What you mentioned about him looking outside the window does not necessarily mean that he looks at women.
If we presume that he is doing that, then he must be admonished in a gentle and kind manner; in a manner that every disobedient person is advised; but gentleness is even more confirmed in regard to a parent. Objecting to what the parents do is not like objecting to what other people do, as has been determined by the scholars.
If your father dislikes your mother, then it is important that you should try to bring affection between them. There are many matters that may help you in this regard:
Firstly, you should earnestly supplicate Allaah for them, especially during times and circumstances when your supplication is most likely to be answered. We have already clarified this in fataawa 88296 and 92363; so please refer to them.
Secondly: being gentle and polite with the parents and advising them both. You should start with your mother by telling her to do everything that could attract the heart of your father to her and that she should avoid anything that could drive him away from her. It might be that she is doing something that your father dislikes without realizing that.
Then you should advise your father and remind him that he is the person who is running the affairs of the family and that it is hoped that it is him who would bring happiness to all the members of the family. You should tell him that your mother loves him and that you hope that he would love her in return in order to make her happy; this in return would make you happy as well.
Thirdly, you should speak to each one of them on this matter individually as this may have a better effect on them and yield good results.
Fourthly, you should not despair and be sad, as your efforts may not yield results quickly, and it may take a long time, so the matter requires great patience, and you should not hasten the matter.
May Allaah, the Almighty, guide you and enable you to do good.
Allaah knows best.
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